You ask, Auntyji answers!
India-Pakistan love match
I am a very sad and unhappy man at the moment. Let me tell you what my dukh bhari kahaani is and maybe you can offer me some wisdom. So as you would guess, me and about 10 of my friends went from Sydney and Melbourne to watch the India-Pakistan Cricket World Cup match in Adelaide on 15 February. Now, we were in high spirits and the atmosphere was great and Virat was like a little god. We can all agree that he is by far the best cricket player ever. Ok, at least India’s best batsman. In any case, on the day, as my friends and I were shouting and screaming with the joy of the event, my eyes fell upon the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was a sundari, an apsara, and all through the match, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It was love at first sight. And you know Auntyji, it was a hot day, I was excited for India and I got caught up with the team spirit and all and ultimately, I don’t know how I found the courage, but I managed to slip my phone number to this girl. Of course, she called me. And the sound of her mellifluous voice, and her polite and courteous way of speaking, all hit me for a six. And then guess what – turns out her name is Heena and she is a Pakistani! I am devastated and don’t know what to do. We have exchanged calls and texts, and Auntyji, I am in love with her, but what to do? How do I overcome this geographical barrier? Can you please provide some advice, my heart is breaking.
Arre mera Romeo, mera chikna, mera kishmish! Didn’t you watch Veer Zaara or that old ‘80s Raj Kapoor film Henna? Evidently not. Well let me tell you that if Shah Rukh’s Veer did not care that Zaara was a Pakistani, then why should you? Heart is heart and love is love – and so if you get a chance for love, why would you care if the girl is Pakistani? The colour of her blood is the same as yours, so what is this geographical barrier you speak of? How do you know her family was not originally from your own home town before Partition occurred? We are all human beings, and so I would say only backward people care about these arbitrary distinctions. So I say go full tilt at this pehela pyar and give it your best shot, just like Virat.
Of course, I do have a bone to pick though. What kind of man goes to an India-Pakistan World Cup match and is distracted by a girl? Do your friends know of this tamasha? Also if you end up marrying this girl, what will you tell your children? You should settle for a simple story such as I met your mother at a mela in the days before Partition. By the time your kids are old enough to know better, Partition, just like you, will be ancient – so they won’t ask troubling questions such as dates etc. Otherwise, you will have a lifetime of explaining why you were looking at girls at a historic cricket match – besharam admi!
Sunny days, cloudy moods
I think it’s time I solicited your advice. I am 32 years old, have a great job and have my own apartment in Parramatta. Six months ago, I met a really nice Indian boy and I have been seeing him since then. He is very nice and sweet and I love being with him. But, Auntyji, I am wondering if Sunny really wants to be with me or I am just a short term proposition until something better comes along. You see, while Sunny is always happy to see me and spend time with me, not once has he made an effort to make a plan with me. It has always been me planning a date or an event to attend. He has met my friends and they seem to like him. But he rarely texts me and I have to make all the effort. Do you think that this is just his nature, or is he not that interested in me? I am beginning to have my doubts. Surely if he really wanted to be with me, wouldn’t he call me at least once a day or make some plans to see me? When it comes to time with his friends, he makes a lot of effort and his face breaks into a huge smile when he runs into them. But when he is with me, none of this is evident. What are your thoughts Auntyji? Your advice will be very much appreciated.
Oh my dear gulabo, my little chameli, let me remind you of what my great aunt Sarla used to say back in the villages of Bihar when a girl put to her the same problem as yours. She used to say – after she had thoughtfully chewed her paan and spat it out into a brass spittoon that had belonged in the family for six generations – and let me translate for easier understanding – why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? So my dear gulabo, this Sunny boy does not look like he is that into you. There is no evidence that he is crazy about you, or wants to be with you. He is simply going along for the ride, showing no enthusiasm or zest for spending time with you. Of course, he is nice and sweet and polite, but so is your postman and your butcher. Even your florist. They are all happy to see you – but do they call you all the time, asking for your time? No. So your Sunny boy is no different. He is in it for the free milk. Get rid of him and find a boy who will drop everything to be with you. You want a boy who greets you so enthusiastically that you think you are his whole world. You deserve that, at least. Iss Sunny ko goli maro, and dusra Sunny dhoondo. Good luck, my little rasgullah. Let me know how it all turns out.