A humorous look at what life would be like in America under Donald Trump
It is late January 2017. The famous house at 1600 on Pennsylvania Avenue wears a totally different look. A new shiny brass shingle at the front gate loudly Trumpets to the world who the flamboyant new resident is.
Just past the main gate on either side of the front lawn are two large cages, holding captive the restlessly pacing Siberian white tigers, Cruzy and Bushy. It is rumoured that the rare cats are gifts to the new resident from a certain Moscow machismo. A show of grudging admiration by one tough guy for another.
Outside the gates a large group of Americans, mostly whites, are waving placards reading ‘Trump triumphs.’ They have their hair coloured and coiffured just like the new Oval Office occupant. Outnumbering them is a larger mishmash of ethnic groups waving banners ‘Trump tragedy,’ mirroring the clear divide of the country caused by the election of Donald Trump, former developer and casino mogul. Oops, sorry, he doesn’t like that word anymore.
Nonetheless, the entire exterior of the White House is now fitted with streams of flashing coloured lights; the dome is illuminated with mega strobe lights rivalling the big casinos of Las Vegas. Yes, this is now the world’s most famous casino.
At the Pennsylvania Avenue entrance, the beefy security guards have now been replaced with cheer squad chicks in skimpy skirts waving pompoms to welcome the Chinese high rollers. If the arriving gambler is a billionaire, a fireball is fired just like the one that follows a sixer in a T20 game.
Besides making millions as a developer in New York, Trump’s early ambition was to own casinos outstripping Vegas on the east coast. And so he built Trump Tower and Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Now with their gloss gone, Washington is where the Donald will roll the dice to decide the future of America, even the world.
On the southern side of the White House, the lush green lawns where visiting world leaders would address members of the press in bygone days, are now marked with white lines and pegged for sub-division to house prestigious mansions. Donald’s developer DNA is now on full display.
After a gala presidential inauguration that resembled a global glam-fest, things seem to be moving according to plan. But nor for long. Reports from secretaries of key departments like Finance, Defence, Inland Security etc. list unexpected problems arising from his three core promises – ban the Muslims, block the Hispanics and banish the Indians – parroted during the campaign.
Arrival lounges in many large airports that were once crammed, now look desolate. Flights from the Middle East have ceased altogether following Donald’s decision to deny entry to people from that region. Etihad and Emirates don’t like to fly empty planes, even as spend thrift sheikhs stay put due to shrinking oil wealth.
On the other hand, departure lounges are packed, witnessing a mass exodus. Dejected with the President’s office turned into a prestige poker machine palace, pious Muslims, averse to gambling, are leaving in droves. Special prayer rooms built at many airports, having not much use now, are converted to mini casinos expecting big time gamblers from South-East Asia.
Smart Indian computer graduates who once saw America as the software mecca are heading home with many of them denied HB visas and no green cards in sight in this once greener pasture. Trump has declared the IT field as the preferred domain for only those guys who are as American as cherry pie.
Lengthening the exit lines of leavers include people from Mexico and countries further south as Hispanics don’t command much respect from the new Commander-in-Chief. Since they don’t possess proper travel documents, they trudge through the secret tunnels they once used to come in.
A crisis meeting is held in the Situation Room as major banks and financial institutions are grinding to a halt, with many of their specialist software staff having left the country. Same story at NASA, where Indians form a large part of the staff, with space shuttles stuck on the launch pads. The President issues an urgent order to stop the flight of Indians. Backflip one…
The loudest promise made at Trump’s campaign rallies – building a wall along with Mexico to stop the Hispanics – has come to a standstill because of shortage of labour, most of whom are those amigos from the adjoining land who, taking low wages, helped to build the economy. Another presidential edict ‘block the tunnels’ goes out. Second card turns up dud.
“Will you allow London’s new mayor to come in?’ asks a journalist. Donald ducks for cover.
‘He is trumped, oh my God!’ I shout.
“Calling out God; had a bad dream?” my wife wakes me up. I feel sheepish. The American election is still several months away.