Canberra insiders have today confirmed that Senator Jacinta Price may, in fact, be someone else entirely.
Reports suggest she is actually “Aunty Joshna from Bengaluru,” who vanished from a family wedding in 2012 and mysteriously reappeared in Federal Parliament a decade later, championing policies about importing Indian labourers.
It was Uncle Rajesh who identified her on the telly, as she waved racist banners in the anti-immigration rally. Jacinta Price Indian community
‘They’re taking our jobs!’ her banner screamed. (These are jobs Australians clearly don’t want, like carshare drivers, corner shop night shifts, coding, cardiology…)
“Look, it’s Joshna!” Uncle Rajesh called out to his family. “She’s alive and well – thank Bhagwan! And still talking nonsense in Austria’s parliament, hurrah!”
He then had the family’s nerdiest nerd, six-year-old Bunty, stalk her across the internet. Bunty explained to him, looking up from her sleek new iPhone Air, that Aunty Joshna now lives in Australia, not Austria.
Studying her banner, nephew Sunil told Indian Link, “Aunty Joshna would say similar silly things – but only when she hadn’t had her lunch. Too many Indians – those were the words she was shouting in the gulab jamun line that wedding when I last saw her. Mind you, she was 47th in the queue…”
“She was always opinionated,” another cousin Prema said. “At every family lunch she would complain about who was taking too many rotis. Looks like she’s still monitoring who’s eating too much.”
Relatives were initially confused to see Aunty Joshna wearing Western dress instead of her trademark sarees. “It’s tragic,” said one niece who’s married into the zulti zillionaire Andani family. “She had 43 silk sarees for every festival. Now she’s walking around in polyester… what kind of downgrade is that?”
Canberra insiders say her policies are suspiciously similar to random aunty gossip at a railway station. “Instead of immigration reform, she’s filing motions about who in Parliament is wasting electricity, and why the governor-general’s son hasn’t married yet,” one policy analyst told Indian Link. Jacinta Price Indian community
Meanwhile Indian-Australians insist her speeches in Parliament are quintessential Aunty rants at weddings: long, loud, and full of unsolicited advice.
Parliament staff confirmed she keeps asking when the chai wallah will come by – and reportedly threw a fit when one intern thought she meant India’s prime minister.
Staffers are also running scared of revealing they have the beginnings of a cold – because she’ll shove at them giant mugs of sweetened turmeric and ginger tea cooked in ghee.
Aunty Joshna’s family in India scoffed at suggestions they could migrate to Australia if only they promised to vote for the Labourers Party.
“No need, thank you, come again,” Uncle Rajesh replied. “But if you want, send your Jacinta Price back here. We’ll give her a proper saree, some dal-chawal, and maybe she’ll stop worrying about Indian migrants.”
At press time, Parliament House security had been instructed to keep an eye out for other missing relatives who might have accidentally wandered into the Senate chamber.
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