Hello Auntyji
I’m in a total jhamela and need your help.
My wife Nita and I are both 65. I still work (corporate law, yaani stress central), while she’s been a wonderful stay-at-home mum all her life. But now, thanks to Pirates of the Caribbean, she’s fixated on parrots.
Haanji, parrots. Auntyji parrot
She’s been Googling, WhatsApping breeders, and is now fully set on bringing one home. I’m horrified. Mujhe yeh bilkul pasand nahi. I don’t believe in keeping animals locked up. Parrots belong in jungles with their parivaar, not in our sunny apartment on Sydney’s lower north shore eating sunflower seeds from a Coop & Cages bowl.
But there’s more. I’ve never told Nita this, but when I was a child in Bengaluru, I saw a parrot bullying a monkey. The monkey snapped, literally – ripped the poor bird’s head clean off. It was traumatic. To this day, I get stress-induced flashbacks: monkey rage, feathers raining like Holi colours, and red parrot khoon dotting my skin.
After witnessing that qatl-e-tota, the idea of living with a parrot? Arrey Auntyji, mera to… bas ho gaya. Auntyji parrot
How do I say no to Nita – without becoming the monkey in this story?
Auntyji says
Arre re re! What a kahaani – murder, mayhem, monkey, macaw! I fully understand why this is still haunting your neend. That Bengaluru monkey deserves a court case of its own, but right now we must focus on your ghar ke jungle mein shanti.
Frankly, your wife is behaving like a total kalankani. Who keeps parrots in 2025? Parrots live 50+ years! Does she want to pass it on in her will? They belong in forests, not in two-bedroom apartments with kombucha on tap.
But let’s talk strategy. This calls for some corporate warfare. You’re a corporate lawyer – surely you’ve crushed hopes before. Time to bring that same HR-termination-energy into your living room.
Next time she brings up the parrot, sit her down. Channel your full boardroom boss mode. Imagine she’s an intern who’s just committed white-collar crime. Look her dead in the eye and say: “If that parrot enters this house, I will exit it. No further discussion.”
This assumes, of course, that she won’t celebrate your exit. If so, plan B: weaponise guilt. Print PETA articles. Show her AI-generated pics of sad parrots in cages. Quote ancient scriptures. Ask her if she wants to be reincarnated as a trapped bird in her agla janam.
You must not falter. Do not let your home become a tropical cage of regret. Biwi must not win. Not this time. Auntyji parrot
Fight, my feather-traumatised friend. Fight for your peace. Fight for the jungle.
Indian Link’s agony aunt AUNTYJI is here to help. Email info@indianlink.com.au for advice on love, work, family and relationships
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