Auntyji: On Kareena Kapoor’s baby… and the Royal Family drama

Our resident agony aunt answers your dilemmas.

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Dear Auntyji,

So everyone knows that Kareena has had her baby, and she still hasn’t told the world the name of the child. Auntyji, are you willing to hazard a guess on what the baby might be called? Considering she named Taimur after a famous warrior king, do you think she might choose Chanakya as the baby’s name? Or what about Bahadur or Krishnadevaraya? I am very interested to hear what she calls the baby – and do you think there is a reason we have not seen pictures of the baby yet? Do you think there might be an issue? Also, do you think the Bub will have blue eyes like his brother?

Auntyji says

Arre, mere Kans mama, didn’t you read my perspective on this subject when Taimur was named 3 years ago? Do you not remember, you Jahil from Jalandhar, that I said that what the Pataudis choose to call their progeny is none of our business? It’s been almost a decade – probably longer – that I have been trying to give you budtehzeeb log some education, some knowledge that there are some subjects that we should not even ponder or dwell on. Arre Raavan ke aulad, did you ever stop to consider that there are so many more useful matters to turn your mind to? Have you ever thought about maybe helping the poor would be a good use of time? If you are so keen on others people’s babies, what about volunteering at your local play group or teaching a sport to youngsters? I suspect that your record probably prevents you from close contact with bachche log. Let’s leave the Patuadis alone. And whether the bachcha has neeli, hari, or kali ankhen, let’s just send our blessings that he is healthy and the family is happy. Except you – no one wants your cursed aashirwad. Keep these for yourself.

READ ALSO: Auntyji: A 2020 briefing and choosing to have kids

meghan markle and prince harry
Source: Twitter
… and Meghan Markle’s in-laws

Namaste Auntyji OMG! The Harry-Meghan saga is better than any ZeeTV shows I’ve seen. Such salacious details, nah? I always knew the royal family was racist, but to this extent, even I did not imagine. What do you think will be the consequences of this tamasha Auntyji, and even more important, do you think Harry and Meghan should have kept their dirty laundry to themselves? Personally, I really like the Queen because she has been a constant for so long. I really loved Diana also, and I think the palace treated her very badly. That Charles is just so uncaring, nah? And even after getting married to that home wrecker Camilla he didn’t learn love – otherwise he would have been a better father to Harry and William. I have been watching this whole event closely and would love to know your thoughts.

Auntyji says

You know, we are still in the midst of a pandemic, and I really was hoping that people would have learnt to become more reflective, more compassionate and more understanding during this time. Lekhin nah, hearing from you is saboot ki duniya mein abhi bhi bahut saare jahil log rehete hai. Tell me this, my nirlaj – why do you care so much about the British royals?

Your interest in what Harry and Meghan do should be directly proportional to their level of care toward you as you mindlessly and blindly go about your day.  The British royals exist to fundamentally remind us of one uncomfortable truth – that not all people are born equal. Due to the fact of being born royal, they have access to privileges, resources and rights that the rest of us don’t. Endorsing the royals is essentially rejecting the premise that all people are born equal. So why don’t you unlock the darwaza of your mind and ponder this perspective for a heartbeat. Kal mouhi.

READ ALSO: Auntyji: moustaches and deep thoughts

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The original Australian sub-continental agony aunt. Email: info@indianlink.com.au

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