Wish my husband would read me poetry

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Dear Auntyji

My problem is so embarrassing that I am almost ashamed to bring it up Bahen, but I think you will be the only one who understands my plight. I am 55 years old, and am happily married to a wonderful, kind, thoughtful man. I really love my husband and I am certain he feels the same. Now Nick is English, because when I was young, I decided that I did not want to get married to an Indian man because I did not want a saas and all the traditional things that go with Indian families.

In any case Auntyji, life is pretty good for me, except for that one little area. My husband is not romantic. Now most of the time, I am too busy living life to worry about this. But every now and again, when I decide that I will watch old Bollywood romantic songs, it’s because I have a gap of romance in my life. I wish Nick would send me meaningful gazes, and tell me that I am the most beautiful wife in the world, and sometimes read me poetry.

I have told him about the lack of romance, but nothing changes. Meanwhile, my cousins tell me how passionate and romantic their Indian husbands are, and I feel I have missed out. And instead, when I listen to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan sing Mere Rashke Qamar, I so wish Nick could sing this to me – or at least look at me meaningfully during the song while I blush like a teenager.  How to solve this problem, Auntyji?

Auntyji says

Desh drohi. What did you think was going to happen when you decided to join forces with the British and in doing so, allowing those colonists to conquer us once again? Didn’t you learn anything from our history, gaddar aurat? Did the East India Company not once ring ding dong in your head when you decided that ol’ blighty was where you were going to outsource your patidev? In exchanging a saas and Indian transitions for a gora, you brought all this on your own head.

Goras and romance? I mean, how many British films have you seen where there is romance on an epic scale – like in Bollywood?  In any case, my admonishing you is not going to help. I am really sorry that you missed out on all the romance of listening to a qawali and having your beloved exchange loving glances with you. So what to do? Romance yourself!

Organise to have flowers sent to yourself, along with Haighs chocolates. Then indulge in those chocolates and listen to qawalis. And pretend that a handsome Bollywood hero is courting you. It’s not cheating if it’s a person you don’t know in real life who is invading your mind with wild thoughts. That’s all you can do – just pretend Nick is Shahrukh or Salman and let your imagination go wild.

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