The Rasika Dance Academy’s annual event is rich in Hindu mythology
Whenever evil threatens to consume the universe, benign forces of nature will inevitably rise to restore the balance of power. Yadaa yadaa hi dharmasya glaanirbhavati bhaarata,
Abhyutthaanam dharmasya tadaatmanamsrajaamyaham.
Continuing the legacy of the Vazhuvoor tradition, Rasika Dance Academy’s annual Bharatanatyam showcase Sri Chakra: When Gods Dance offered a profound interpretation of this underlying philosophy of Sanaatana Dharma.
“Immortalised in humanity’s oldest scriptures, weaving the concept into dance form and recreating this for stage, has always been close to my heart,” Rasika founder Manjula Viswanath told Indian Link.
“Each Avatar has a story of its own. The challenge to portray this in a ballet, working my way through the scenes and expressions is mind blowing to a dance teacher,” she explained.
From conceptualisation, choreography, costumes and stage décor, the sumptuously designed frames brought the story to life, recreating a little piece of heaven for the audience. Employing a combination of live and recorded music, the dual narrative technique of thematic margam and classical ballet provided infinite variety.
The evening’s performance at UNSW Science Theatre had two distinct segments, linked by the common theme. While Sri paid tribute to feminine energy both creative and destructive, Chakra explored the earthly manifestations of Vishnu as the preserver of life through his ten incarnations.
The Pushpanjali, Paapanasam Sivan’s invocation in Raagam Saraswati set the stage for the creative energies to flow. A medley of dedications highlighting the prowess of Devi as Sharade, Meenakshi, Sakthi and Kali followed. Both Shringapuradeeshwari, which extolled the artistic abilities of Saraswati, the patron deity of Sringeri, and Devi Neeye Thunai on the captivating Meenalochani celebrated the beauty and heritage of our ancient art forms. In contrast, the energetic pieces Siva Sakthi and the Ragamaalika on Kali, culminating in the immortal Mahishasura Mardhini stotram invigorated the audience with electrifying performances.
Incorporating emotive grace and supple movements with mathematical precision, the dancers displayed great sensitivity to thematic demands, weaving effortlessly through the broad spectrum of the repertoire. We have come to expect nothing but the very best from Rasika’s senior students – Madhu Jayaram, Lalitha Bala, Anjana Chandran, Aneetha Vytheeswaran and Shalaka Bodha. Inspired by their guru, they constantly push artistic boundaries while demonstrating technical prowess and extraordinary stamina, in turn serving as exemplary role models for the juniors. The symbiotic relationship shared by the extended Rasika family makes its productions an enriching experience.
Soul stirring vocals by Subha Harinath and Shruthi Balaji were supported by live orchestra comprising Balaji Jaganathan (violin), Sivakumar Sethupathi (mrudangam), Charou Ram (rhythm pad), Venkatesh (flute) and Saumya Sritharan (veenai), while Sruthi Krishnan and Lalitha Bala joined their guru Manjula as nattuvanars, providing direction for the segment on Sri.
An opulent rendering of Dashavataram kept the audience enthralled in the second half, offering a feast for the senses. Bangalore-based Balasubramanya Sharma’s vocal provided the perfect backdrop for the drama to unfold. The sheer diversity of the pieces challenged the capable dancers to give their very best, whether sculpture-esque postures, intricate footwork, emotive gestures or graceful movements.
Vying for attention were the elaborate props, the effective use of lighting and elegant couture, specially designed to add vibrancy to the rich tapestry on display. Accentuating the tempo of story-telling, they reflected the changing mood of each composition. The sheer depth and scale of the backstage operations speaks volumes of the dedication and commitment of Rasika’s extended army of volunteers.
“One cannot overemphasise the importance of props and costume for the success of a production. These critical pieces blend together with dance and have always been a trademark of my school Rasika Dance Academy. Just imagine 3 hours of continuous dance with costume changes that need to happen while the song is playing, where some dancers need to exit, coming back on stage in a completely different costume in less than a minute some times. This is where we work as a team that includes parents, who are the real heroes in my productions,” Manjula graciously acknowledged.
Experimenting both with themes and techniques, since its inception in 2003 Rasika has grown as a creative entity with a social purpose. Imbibing Guru Padmini Ravi’s ideology that tradition has infinite capacity to evolve and renew itself, Manjula has endowed a unique legacy of her own to her students in Sydney.
Like its predecessors, Sri Chakra once again raised substantial funds, this time for Northwest Disability Services.
The Festival of Lights was celebrated with fun, food and entertainment at the recent Blacktown Diwali Mela held at Blacktown Showground. It was a massive festival with non-stop music, dance, masti and masala!
With around 12,000 people in attendance, the storm clouds threatened to rain on the parade, but the bad weather held off and the skies smiled on Blacktown.
“We were very lucky,” Nitin Madan, one of the organisers of the Blacktown Diwali Mela, told Indian Link. “The weather god was very kind.”
An event with something for everyone, there were 110 stalls including clothes, jewellery, mehendi, corporate and food stalls.
In keeping with their increased engagement with the Indian community, Cricket NSW and the AFL also had stalls at the event.
Amidst the colour and crowds, there was face painting for the little ones, amusement rides to twist and turn you at every angle and DJs pumping tunes for people to bop along with.
On stage, Indian Australian Idol Manish Kumar and Jagpreet Grover belted out some tunes, while Rhythm Boys Bhangra and Virasat Folk Academy showed off their dance skills.
The entertainment program showcased several of the local dance schools performing everything from Gidha, Bhangra and Garba to Bollywood, classical dance and traditional folk dance. Some fusion western pop music was thrown into the mix as well.
Throughout the day there were giveaways including movie vouchers, restaurant vouchers and grocery gift cards, while Air India even sponsored one lucky person to win return air tickets to India!
Of course it wouldn’t be Diwali without some firecrackers, and the mela came to a close with the grand finale fireworks.
“Thanks to everyone who came to celebrate Diwali with us,” Bikram Cheema, one of the organisers, said. “We also want to thank all our sponsors and media partners. If you enjoyed this Diwali mela, there are many events lined up for the coming months, but don’t miss the Holi mela at Blacktown next March!”
We must ask the right questions in order to understand students’ motivation and interest in learning
Two phone calls in two days. The first: “What do I do with an unmotivated 14-year-old? His laziness is driving me to frustration.” The second: “Why won’t students in my Year 8 class show initiative? Why are they are so passive and disinterested?”
The callers sought advice around discipline, finding the keys to unlock motivation and how to engender a sense of interest and commitment from the students they teach. Alas, I let the callers down. I provided the ‘reverse answer’.
“Young teenagers are so unmotivated,” I was told. “They just need constant stimulus. I cannot compete with the instant rewards of Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.”
In essence, the callers sought affirmation. For me, however, the question was poorly framed. Referencing, or framing, is essential to problem solving. Consider the following.
It is illegal for a child to stay at home without reason during the school term.
Do students have choice over what is taught or how? Generally not.
Should a person be intrinsically interested in learning? Possibly, but…who is doing the teaching and how?
As I thought the callers’ questions were poorly framed, I offered the reverse answer, “Why should a student in your class be motivated?”
My response was met with silence. Had I betrayed my status as an ‘adviser’?
Students are compelled to attend school. They have no real choice – no discretion over how they will be taught or treated, no capacity to change the mood of a teacher, the order of the school day or who is in the room. They cannot influence how they will be assessed or even when. They cannot change the colour of a uniform or move from their chair or demonstrate restlessness.
I often wonder whether an adult placed in a similar situation, day after day, for years, would expect themselves to be motivated. Would they themselves demonstrate initiative? Or would they themselves not rebel, daydream, and become subversive or even catatonic?
This is crucial. Any assessment of the behaviour or performance of a student should look at two aspects very closely. The first question for parents and teachers to answer in regards to a perceived lack of motivation or interest, is why a person should be interested, motivated or engaged with anything they say. Of course, the obvious answer is because education matters. A second aspect to this is that a child cannot be expected to prioritise the things that are of most value to them, as the child does not have the maturity to know.
The second question for parents and educators is what mix of structure and free time, consideration and spontaneity, activity and stillness, humour and seriousness, channelled thinking and free thinking, paired or group work and individual work should characterise an environment where a child is motivated to learn. Even asking a question framed around these aspects will lead to much improved understanding of students.
It may be true that a child is lazy, easily distracted or unmotivated. However, prior to making such an assessment, there should be a serious evaluation of the factors shaping a child and whether they are likely to be motivating or frustrating. High expectations that focus on outcomes can cripple children and adults alike. Why should a child find that motivating? Comparison with older siblings or a parent’s own experience can be soul-destroying if a child feels like they are not good enough. Should comparison spark a sense of motivation or a sense of frustration? A sense of unworthiness?
The real question, the ‘reverse answer’, should be broadly inclusive of the outer and inner context facing the child. The context in this regard includes to what extent the child can adapt in order to learn to like and accept the things they cannot change.
This is the counter balance. In each situation there is a need to accommodate and adapt to the things that must be done. This means that students should be encouraged to be flexible in their thinking and to change themselves in order to learn to learn. This is an aspect to maturing. Against this, teachers and parents should encourage appropriate adaptations to their own approach, taking some ownership of issues rather than imposing them onto the child.
This is important. If we begin with the premise that very few, if any, children are intrinsically lazy, then we start from a point of collaboration. From here, teachers and parents can seek the best ways to help children to notice the things that matter and value the things likely to most benefit them in their lives. This requires managing a locus of motivation that is extrinsic to one that becomes intrinsic. All educators should strive to effect this change.
The latest incidents in India continue to ignite debate, but how do we address India’s chauvinist and misogynist attitudes?
The recent gang rapes of a two-year-old and five-year-old girl in Delhi have invited renewed scrutiny of the Indian capital and the nation at large, almost three years on from the gang rape of Jyoti Singh Pandey on a private bus that sparked widespread protests and resulted in the introduction of new laws targeting perpetrators of sexual violence against women in India. The two-year-old girl was found unconscious and bleeding in a park just three hours after she went missing, while the five-year-old girl was gang raped in a separate incident in Anand Vihar. The abhorrent crimes prompted Arvind Kejriwal, the Chief Minister of Delhi, to place the blame on Delhi Police, Prime Minister Narendra Modi and his Lieutenant-Governor Najeeb Jung – but the incidents are symptomatic of a deeply-rooted problem engrained in India’s social fabric, one which policymakers and law enforcement agencies are effectively powerless to address.
When I first heard of the most recent Delhi gang rapes, I publicly stated that incidents such as this make me embarrassed to be Indian. In a debate with a friend, I was told that I was out of line – that I should not be embarrassed to be Indian, because things like this occur all over the world, and misogyny is a problem with the human condition, rather than an issue isolated to India. That India’s issues with sexual violence are over-reported by a loud minority, rather than the quiet majority. That as a journalist, if I cannot offer a solution, I should not comment at all.
Let us be clear that India is not the only country in the world in which women are mistreated by men. Nor is it necessarily the worst – sexual violence statistics are notorious for their unreliability, with factors such as reporting rates and the legal definitions of “rape” significantly skewing results. By various methods, South Africa, Mexico, Sweden and even Australia could be considered the “rape capitals” of the world. However, acknowledging that similar crimes occur in other countries (whatever the prevalence) and recognising that there is a problem in India are hardly mutually exclusive ideas.
Every visitor to the subcontinent has experienced an example of the misogyny that plagues daily life in India. Whether it is men leering in the streets, throwaway comments on public transport or wandering hands in crowded temples, the hypocritical dichotomy that characterises India is devastatingly clear; while several million female deities are worshipped by Indian men on a daily basis, many of the same men treat real-life females as second class citizens, mere pawns in a long-running game of patriarchy that has been festering for hundreds of years.
Reputable sources estimate that in three generations, more than 50 million women have been “selectively eliminated” from India’s population. Female feticide, infanticide, intentional starvation and neglect of girls under five have all contributed to that number, as have dowry related murders, honour killings and the highest maternal mortality rate in the world. For context, 50 million is more than the entire populations of Sweden, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium and Portugal combined. With such a burning desire for male children, it is unsurprising, yet inexcusable, that India’s women learn to grow up accepting subservience and tolerating chauvinism.
With femicide so entrenched in Indian society even today – it is estimated that more than 1 million cases of female foeticide occur every year – there is only so much that policymakers can do to tackle the problem, especially in such a large country with a population that demands attention to many other important issues. Good governance can achieve many things, but the cultural change critical to an improvement in the standing of women in society requires intervention at an individual level.
During the course of the debate with my friend, I had to inform him that regrettably, I could not offer a solution to centuries of endemic misogyny any more so than can Prime Minister Modi or the Chief of Delhi Police. However, I stand by my comments – incidents like this make me embarrassed to be an Indian male.
It is because I am proud of my Indian heritage that I also have the capacity to be embarrassed by its flaws. I would much rather risk adding my voice to a “loud minority” calling for positive change rather than stay quiet with the majority.
Dussehra is celebrated with a family festival at Sri Durga Temple in Rockbank
Dussehra is one of the biggest Hindu festivals and comes on the 10th day of Shukla paksh of the Hindu calendar month of Ashwin. Celebrations of 9 nights, Navratra – where people worship Goddess Durga – precede Dussehra.
Dusshera celebrates the victory of Lord Rama over the king of Lanka Ravana as depicted in the ancient Hindu scriptures.
In late October, Durga Temple, Rockbank hosted a fun filled event to celebrate the cultural heritage and sports of the Indian subcontinent.
The program began with the Kabbadi finals in the morning followed by cultural activities. The atmosphere was electric and you almost felt transported to one of the melas held in India throughout the year.
Various artists performed hit Bollywood numbers like Dum mast hai from Band Baja Baraat and from vintage classics like Ek Radha ek Meera. Kuldip Beri entertained the crowd with popular Punjabi numbers Bol Mittti da and Jugni from Tanu weds Manu and Vinayak enthralled the crowd with Challah.
Emcees Raju and Lokesh left the crowd in splits with Punjabi one-liners and jokes. Gidda and Bhangra performances brought us back to the gullies of Punjab. Ram Leela’ by Puri and team brought to life Ramayana the life and teachings of Lord Rama. Minister for Multicultural Affairs Robin Scott presented the winner of the lucky draw – Rohit Gupta. He won a return ticket to India sponsored by Jet Airways and Indian Link.
This event also saw large number of people shopping for Indian jewellery and clothes for the upcoming festivals of Karwachauth and Diwali.
Children enjoyed their gelatos, games and rides while the elders enjoyed a variety of snacks and savories like tikki chol, kulche, samosa, and sweets like jalebi, barfi, with hot masala chai and cold mango lasssi. It looked like mini India had descended on the Aussie land!
Minister Robin Scott was joined at the event by Brendan O’Connor MP, Sophie Ramsey, Mayor of Melton, and Cr Bob Turner. The dignitaries gave away trophies to the volunteers who had made immense contributions to the community and helped to make this event a grand success.
Sunil Bhalla, head of the technical committee for the Durga Temple, explained how the temple has been organising various events in the past to engage the Indian community and strengthen the Aussie-Indian ties with activities like meditation, free yoga camps, rituals and prayers on various occasions.
The temple has also been involved with the free food initiatives of the ASRC food bank. They have been donating food to disadvantaged and homeless children and have been helping the asylum seekers by collaborating with ‘Lets Feed.
The Government of Victoria has recognised the Temple’s contributions and effort and the community is looking forward to developing a play area for children, a library and a bigger kitchen.
The new, bigger temple at the Rockbank campus will be inaugurated on 30 November, 2015
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR and RAJNI ANAND LUTHRA try to understand what drives the contemporary Indian Australian young women
PART FOUR – RAISING KIDS
Would you raise your kids differently from how you were raised?
Annie: All kids are different and have different strengths and weaknesses, and I think as parents you should support that.
Naina: My partner and I have talked about this. We’re both academic and I’m not going to say I won’t tell my kids to study and I want them to do well, but it’s about letting kids be kids.
Neha: We don’t want to tell our kids what to do and put pressure on them for their future, we’ve talked about how we want to give them choices and advice and giving them strong values.
Tutoring was an issue of contention and many participants said they would not put academic pressure on children too early.
Would you want your kids to learn your mother tongue?
Of the nine girls, 7 speak Hindi, Sharika speaks Malayalam and Annie is the only one without second language skills
Annie: Even though I can’t speak Hindi myself, I’d want my kids to learn Hindi
Naina: My partner is Goan. If I don’t speak to my kids in Hindi, they are never going to be in touch with my culture. I want to do something to keep them in touch with Hindi.
Neha: Language has a big role in life. If kids know how to speak and learn and read Hindi, it helps them to make choices and plays a role in them learning about Indian culture. Get them to watch Bollywood movies, not just with subtitles!
They’re an interesting mix of Indian and Australian as they forge their own identities out of the bounds of their family and community.
Our sample of young women came across as enthusiastic, energetic individuals waiting to take life head on, brimming with promise and looking forward to their lives with hope and much confidence.
They look set to carve out their own niches in areas where their natural inclinations are, over and beyond the mainstream professions of medicine, IT, law, or banking towards which their families pushed them and in which they excelled. By their own admission, they are now following their hearts and attacking their own passions with renewed vigour, with all the skills they have gained in their corporate experiences.
These women are not afraid to strike out on their own. They are finding themselves, and thinking, ‘I am more than what my family planned for me.’
To the family, they seem to be saying, I cherish and value all that you have done for me, but let me go and explore myself now. And don’t worry, I’ll be fine, you’ll see!
What about the shaadi decision, a very big deal for their families? This generation of women are hell bent on bringing more of themselves to the table. They will resist family pressure, and will not compromise until they are satisfied that the decision suits them. They are happy to go along with the religion, the customs and the rituals, but on their own terms, thank you.
Within the marriage itself, while they will devote themselves faithfully, they will not lose a sense of their own self in the coupling, like the generation of women before them. This is something their partners/potential partners must be aware of. Dudes, if you are looking for a marriage like that of your parents, then prepare to be disappointed.
This group of women know what they want deep down – even though they might crack under the pressure now and then – and will go out and get it, and will surprise you with the efficacy with which they do it. In this sense, they are different from their mothers, and all the better for it.
There was some contradiction in their own opinions (such as their views on feminism), suggesting that there are issues they as a collective are still grappling with. In several instances, there was a bit of idealism, such as expecting a smooth transition back into work after raising the babies. As well, typical of their generation of women, there was evidence of the ‘But I want it all’ syndrome: everyone wants to be a super successful career woman, pursue a passion on the side, be a good wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, mum and house keeper. Thankfully, there was some realisation of the difficulty and probably impossibility of this dream.
Whatever these women do next, they are going to leave their indelible mark on society and their community, and will be wonderful assets to their families.
Lunch venue: Georges Mediterranean Bar and Grill, King Street Wharf 3
Photographed by Nirmit Shah of Niradh Photographyat Manjits @ The Wharf, King Street Wharf, Darling Harbour
Read more about the women’s views on relationshipsHERE
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR and RAJNI ANAND LUTHRA try to understand what drives the contemporary Indian Australian young women
PART TWO – SOCIETY and FAMILY SOCIETY
What about the status of women in society? Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Naina: It’s almost gone from women having no choice, to women having too much choice. Now, suddenly, it’s all about feminism and being powerful, but, if I use myself as an example, I am literally leaving everything behind to go and be with a man. But I am a woman at the end of the day and I want to spend time with my family and my children. Even though I want to be a high-flying CEO or something, I don’t want to do that at the risk of my family. It’s up to me to find the balance. Someone told me recently, ‘You can have everything, just not all at the same time’. Ananya: Feminism to me is equality. I don’t want more than a man, but I want to be treated as an equal. Sharika: Let’s say you get married and have children, and after that you decide you then want to focus on your career. How kind are employers and organisations in letting a woman go back to work and have a family? Most of the time, they’re not. That’s where it gets really difficult for a woman to make that choice. And when she does try to find that balance of career/children/husband something does suffer. How understanding are men in supporting that? Simmi: I’m pro-equality. I was always of the view you have to do everything equally. You have to do what makes you happy. I have friends now who are starting to have children, career girls who are managing it in such diverse ways. You don’t know until you actually have a kid. You think you might be something, but it might be totally different when you have that baby in your arms. I’d like to be able to do both, work and take care of my children. It’s about identity as well. A lot of my friends have said they don’t want to be known just as so-and-so’s mum or wife. They had a career and a life before. It’s such a personal choice. Geeti: With the type of job I am in, my kids would not have a mother figure. I would want to stay with my kids; I want to know them and I want them to know me. I want to grow up with them. I don’t want to put myself in that box. Recently I hit a point thinking ‘I haven’t achieved anything’ but I have, it’s just not what I expected. Neha: A lot of it depends on how supportive your partner is. I have been through phases where I’ve thought I just want to settle and be a housewife. Even when we have conversations about kids, my husband says ‘Whatever you want! If you want to stay home, if you want to work, we’ll work that out. I’ll support you 100%.’ Having a supportive family and partner makes such a difference. Geeti: So many of my friends are working in high flying positions, but they only see themselves there for five to ten years. They eventually want to quit. They don’t want to be there forever. Even though they’re associated with the top 6 or top 4, they just want to get that on their resume, build a profile and then go off and do their own thing. I’m so not for feminism, it’s not equality any more and women seem to want more than the men. Tradition is important. Women are women for a reason, and men are men for a reason. Geeti Simmi: There are definitely differences. Sometimes we as women are not as confident in ourselves. When I launched my start-up, for example, the amount of times I had self-doubt, because it’s just you all alone… I think my poor partner really had to put up with that and finally he said, ‘Just put it out there because what’s the worst that could happen…’ I am so surprised now by what’s happened! Sharika: Why do women have that self-doubt? Ananya: I think men do too, they just don’t talk about it. Men might know less, but they pretend they know more. Annie: I think we’re all human and everyone has doubts. Everything in life is a risk.
Would it matter to you if your partner earned less than you?
Naina: I have been brought up to always be financially independent. If things go wrong, you don’t want to be dependent on anyone or have to sacrifice, or compromise or settle just because you have to. For me, moving to Amsterdam is not a financial decision. It’s because it’s the practical thing to do. My job is more flexible. Sharika: Sometimes I feel I want someone who’s more ambitious, more driven so I’m driven along with him… and then sometimes, I don’t care. But then the issue is, can the man handle the fact that I’m earning more? Most of the time the answer is no. That’s when the problem arises. Ananya: It depends why he earns less. If he’s just not ambitious and doesn’t share the same values or goals and that’s why he’s not earning more, that’s incompatibility. Annie: Ultimately it comes down to the values you have and if you share those same values. Naina: For me, it’s not about who’s earning more or less. We’re a family. Suppose I get a better job, and I earn a bit more than him, as long as he’s okay with that, I’m fine. The money is going to us! Both people have to be equally flexible in the relationship. Geeti: It’s your money together. You’re going to have to consult each other about big financial decisions. It’s a very Indian mentality to say a guy should be earning more. Annie: It’s an international mentality. FAMILY
What’s your family situation? If you have brothers, do you feel as though your parents have ever favoured them?
Annie: Yes, thought I think that’s largely because my brother’s much younger. Sharika: My brother is 11 years younger than me and there is such a stark difference between how my dad treats my brother, and me and my sister. My mum treats us all equally but my dad definitely treats us differently, definitely because of the gender, not the age. It’s in the way he speaks to us, the attitudes. Ananya: I have three parents. Seriously, my brother is worse than my parents! He’s four years older. It’s bad. I can lie to my mum and dad, but my brother knows because he told the same lies! I can’t get away with anything. I’ll be at a party and some guy will talk to me and he’ll go up to them and be like, ‘That’s my sister, don’t talk to her.’ Ananya
What are your thoughts on moving out of home?
Geeti: I want to spend as much time as I can with my parents before I have to move out with my partner. Simmi: Moving out was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done. Ananya: I don’t want to move out. My parents have this big house and my brother’s moved out… I want to be there to take care of my parents. Having said that, I lived at college during uni, so now I want to be nearer to them. Read more about the women’s views on relationships HERE Read more about the women’s views on identityHERE Read more about the women’s views on the future HERE
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR and RAJNI ANAND LUTHRA try to understand what drives the contemporary Indian Australian young women
PART THREE – RELATIONSHIPS
Married ladies, how did you meet your significant other?
Neha: We met at uni in India. Simmi: We went to uni together in Melbourne. We were friends but only started dating when we both moved to Sydney and started working in the same building. He’s from an investment banking background as well.
Before we got together, I had many thoughts about what the guy needed to be like. That they need to be a certain way. I was perhaps more attracted to the really confident guys, but I mistook that for arrogance. Although my husband was a bit shy, as I got to know him, I realised he was exactly what I wanted – ambitious but down to earth with a great sense of humour. So I guess you have to be open to people you meet and not be so judgemental. So I always encourage my friends girls and guys, to be open when they meet people. All the superficial stuff doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you just want to be with someone that makes you happy. Simmi Geeti: Amongst family and friends, your partner is the one who’s going to be with you for the majority of your life. You have your parents, but you have to leave them. Then you get you partner and have kids, but your kids are eventually going to leave you as well. So to find that best friend in your partner and a support system, someone who will support you in whatever you do, it’s so important. Everyone else moves on, but there is hopefully that one person you grow old with. Naina: I actually met my fiancé at a christening. I knew his sister-in-law, and he asked me for my number on that day. He’s a nerd, that’s just the fact of the matter (laughs). I had no notion of what I wanted in a man, the only thing I had was faith that I would meet someone. I refused to believe that out of six billion people in the world, there was no one for me? Not possible. He’s wonderful. We don’t fight – whereas in the past I’d probably have a fight with someone or the other every day. He listens, says sorry… he can have one look at my face on Facetime and say ‘Are you okay, what happened?’ The only thing I probably don’t like is when he says ‘I want to take care of you’. It’s the male thing in him. Simmi: My parents were always like, being female you should have equal opportunity, go out there, be independent, explore the world… And suddenly it all changed. You’re 25 or 26 and they’re like, get married, get married… and you think, what the hell is wrong with you? (Everyone laughs)
Yes! When you’re 16, it’s like, ‘Don’t talk to boys, don’t talk to boys…’ and then at 26, it’s like, ‘Where’s your husband?’
Would you live together before marriage? How would your family react?
Naina: We’re engaged and it was entirely my decision to move; it was between him and me. My parents were supportive. I know their first instinct was, though they never said it, that I’d get married first and then move. But, ultimately they want me to find out if we can live together and actually be together, because we’ve been in long distance from the beginning. If we weren’t engaged, they probably would not have been as cool with it… (laughs) Simmi: In my situation, my parents are in Melbourne, his parents are in Brisbane and we were living in Sydney, in two different apartments. I had that discussion with my parents about moving in together before the wedding. It was sort of met with a ‘Hmm, let’s think about that’. I put it into financial terms though: ‘We’re giving away money each month for no reason and it doesn’t make financial sense’. They understood that.
Have you felt pressured to get married from your family or parents? Have they posted a matrimonial profile?
Sharika: My mum did that, absolutely. Shaadi, Bharat, you name it, I’ll be there. She knows how to download my picture from Facebook and put it on there. I’m like, where did you learn all this?! Annie: I would hit the roof if my mum did that. Geeti: Has your mum made you meet anybody yet, Sharika? Sharika: Absolutely! Geeti: And how many guys have you rejected so far? Sharika: All of them! So many, I’ve lost track. There are so many that don’t even get to me that they cull out. Sharika One story emerged of some parents being so swept up by the community pressure that they flew half way across the world to find their daughter a match. Geeti: It’s not always parental pressure, it’s yourself. You want to have that big Bollywood wedding and for that you need a Bollywood guy! I’ve found that change though in myself. I want that less and less. I’ve always been fixated, I want a big, fat, Indian wedding but now I want something smaller. Simmi: For me, during that pressure period, it was full on. And it was a shock to me because my parents were never about getting married during the first 25 years. They were all about career, being well educated, financially independent, do well in life and everything else will come. And then suddenly they just changed. I think it was more the society, the community that we have here. Many of the girls in our family and friends circle started to get engaged and they felt sorry for me. I think the community felt bad. My parents were okay but then that social pressure was driving them and influencing them. ‘Oh what about Sinmi, does she have anybody? No? Oh okay, we’ll keep a lookout’.
I was away from them, in Melbourne, so I wasn’t there to filter it and defend it. And it became this big thing where when I’d speak to them every week it would be, ‘When are you getting married? Have you found someone?’ and I would just go, it’s okay, someone will come along at the right time. And I still see this happening with family friends. Guys get some pressure too, but it’s not the same as girls and the age is later. Naina: I find it so interesting that until you’re 25, they’re different people. Study, study, study, get your degree, don’t talk to boys, get a good job. You hit 25 and then they’re like… marriage! Simmi: We have to remember, our parents are growing up with us, especially in Australia. I always say, your parents want what’s good for you, but they don’t always know what’s best for you. I think only you know that.
Would you try online dating or Tinder?
Shazya: I’ve tried Tinder, but it’s just a bit of fun, nothing serious. Neha: There’s an Indian version now… Shazya: JaTinder?
(Everyone laughs) Annie: It’s called Dil Mil, or something like that. Sharika: I’m not sure about the whole online thing. I’ve gone on the website, eharmony.com and I was just like, ‘oh’. I don’t know, it’s just not really for me. Simmi: Is that because of social conditioning though? Because in all those Bollywood movies they’re running for the train. Annie: It still seems very manufactured. Simmi: A lot of my Australian friends don’t want to talk about meeting online, but in the US it’s much more accepted. Naina: I’ve seen a few success stories of people who’ve met online.
What are your thoughts on horoscopes or kundli?
Neha: We did it, just for fun. I think a match of 18 (personality traits) is required and we just made 18! I just wanted to find out. My parents said ‘No, don’t do it, you’ll get confused’, but I just wanted to. Annie: But there’s remedies if you don’t match… Geeti: But your horoscope’s going to match with thousands of people, you can’t marry all of them… Ananya: I think we’re more Indian here than people are back there. Because if you said this to some people there, they’d be like, ‘What’s wrong with you? What are you talking about?’
Would you consider sex before marriage?
(We’ve chosen to report this section anonymously)
*Yes! Try before you buy. (laughs) But I definitely don’t want to have this discussion with my parents.
*Yes. I’ve already told my mum about it. I share everything with her and I just had to tell her. She was actually fine about it; she just said as long as you don’t regret it, it’s up to you, and as long as you’re safe.
*No. It’s not necessarily the thing in Indian culture, but it’s a personal choice. I always do what I want to do. It’s something that I don’t want to consider before marriage. If I wanted to, I would have.
*It shouldn’t matter.
Would you live with your in-laws?
Neha: I don’t mind. They’re very nice people. I’m happy inviting them over to come and live with us, and when we go to India we spend 50% of the time with them and 50% of the time with my family. They’re very supportive of everything we do. Neha Annie: I wouldn’t mind. I think it depends on your personalities. I would be open to it. I just pray that I have a good rapport and relationship with my in-laws. In Australia, where people are more individualistic, I think it’s nice to see some women are still living with their in-laws. Shazya: I don’t think I would. I’m so used to my own independence that just allowing another person into my space, that’s a big deal for me. Geeti: I would really respect that relationship and the only way to keep that is to have a bit of distance. You don’t want your partner to have to choose between his mum and his wife.
What about sharing household chores?
Neha: Initially I was trying to be the perfect wife. I’d say, ‘You sit, I’ll take care of everything – I’ll handle work, uni and everything at home’. I was raising my own expectations and putting all that pressure on myself. Of course though, one year later I had to tell him, ‘I can’t do this, you need to help me.’ I had literally been watching tutorials on YouTube, making him breakfast, lunch, dinners, smoothies… doing uni at night, working. He would help me a bit, but I had no expectations from him. And because I’d been doing that from the start, he got used to me doing it all. Ultimately we settled on a 50/50 split and he now helps me out wherever possible. Simmi: I feel Hollywood and Bollywood have a lot to do with our expectations – this notion that you have to be the perfect wife when you get married and do everything. But it actually has a negative effect because it means the women are not being themselves anymore which is what drew them together. You have to ask them, ‘what do you do for yourself?’ And it’s not as though their husband has said anything, it’s all a self-expectation. It should be 50/50 and you should be doing the chores you each like. Geeti: I think I’ve taken a difference experience from that. My mum also does everything, but I want my partner to do the complete opposite to my dad, he should be doing more. I want a different experience. Naina: I’ve told my partner, when we move and I don’t have a job initially, I’m happy to do everything, I’ll bake bread. But once I find a job, we have to share, it’s not going to be sustainable. He loves to cook, he cleans. I don’t want him to get used to me doing everything. Read more about the women’s views on the future HERE Read more about the women’s views on identityHERE Read more about the women’s views on societyHERE
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR and RAJNI ANAND LUTHRA try to understand what drives the contemporary Indian Australian young woman
How do young Indian Australian women negotiate their particular mix of Indian and Australian values as they make their decisions about work, leisure, relationships and family? What do they want for themselves? What should their families and their partners (or potential partners), know about what drives them? Indian Link caught up with a bunch of twenty-something women to find out what goes on inside the minds of our community’s Gen Y females.
ABOUT THE WOMEN
Annie Pathania moved to Australia aged three. She studied media at university and wanted to be a journalist, but fell into financial marketing. In her private life, she describes herself as ‘colourful’. As an outlet she began her own fashion blog and is looking forward to doing something in an entrepreneurial capacity. Ananya Soni studied medicine and is now doing a Masters of Public Health. She was three when her family moved to Australia. She runs her own NGO dealing with health and wellbeing, and recently launched a book. Geeti Chawla was admitted as a lawyer in April and is now working in the ‘daunting environment’ of corporate law. Born in India to a Sikh family, she moved to Australia at 12 years old. She volunteers with various NGOs including MSF, Amnesty International and Greenpeace. Naina Mathur is recently engaged and will be shortly leaving Australia to live with her partner who is working in Amsterdam. An accountant by profession, her vision is to be in consultancy or have her own practice at home. She moved to Australia from India 11 years ago. Neha Sharma is a consultant in cybersecurity at Ernst and Young. She was born in India, has been married for several years and moved to Australia five years ago. She currently has plans for her own start up, an app to help vegetarians and those with special dietary requirements solve the problem of where to find food. Sharika Venugopal is a provisional psychologist. Though born in India, she grew up in Malaysia and moved to Australia for her studies eight years ago. Shazya Singh moved to Australia two years ago and is currently studying psychology at university. She was born in India but raised in Singapore. Simmi Singh was born in India and grew up in Melbourne. She studied commerce/law and moved to Sydney eight years ago to work in corporate strategy. After getting married at the end of last year, she started a passion project in bridal services which has turned into a successful start-up.
IDENTITY
Do you consider yourself to be Indian or Australian? Or Indian-Australian?
Ananya: I never get Indian. I have people coming up to me and start talking Lebanese or other languages. I have to clarify and say that I’m Indian and then they have all these misconceptions. It’s like, where’s the bindi and the oil in my hair?! If I have to, I always say I’m Indian-Australian. Sharika: I’m from Malaysia, so there are certain parts of me that are very much Malaysian, but I’ve still got my Indian traditions. But having lived in Australia for nine years now, my whole adulthood has been in Australia. It’s a big part of me. I’m Indian-born, Malaysian-raised and I moved to Australia to study. I don’t want to disregard any part of me. I do explain my story to everyone. Shazya: I identify myself as an Indian. I just recently moved to Australia, and even though I’ve lived in Singapore for a long time – I was six when I left – I still feel attached to India. I always say I’m from India. Australia is home for me now, but I am Indian living in Australia.
Shazya
Neha: I still identify myself as Indian, but I always give people a bit of a background, where I’m from, how I came here, how long I’ve been in Australia. I try to respect both sides. I am an Indian but I’m also living and working here so I consider part of me Australian as well. Simmi: It’s hard because I have grown up here, but I think I identify more with being Indian. I came here when I was eight years old and I never really let go of my Indian culture. I don’t know if it’s because of the friends I had, who would identify more with the Indian side… I related to the Indian girls’ stories especially with parenting. We always have debates like, if there was a war, would you fight for India or Australia? (Laughs) I probably also tweak it to the audience I’m with. I have Australian citizenship, so technically I am Australian, but from an identity perspective I feel Indian. Annie: A big part of me is Indian, but a big part of me feels Kiwi. I spent seven years living there; I left India when I was three.
I feel like I’m 33.3% Kiwi, 33.3% Australian and 33.3% Indian!
There’s a part of me that I created and developed in New Zealand, a part of me developed while growing up here and there’s the Indian part in me that has always been strong. I love my fashion, Indian movies, love Bollywood. It’s a big part of me, I am drawn to it. I can’t say my parents are strict Indian parents who made us go to temple every week… Oh, and I always go for India in the cricket! Naina: Looking at me, everyone can tell I am Indian, but I guess what I say is that I’m Indian by heritage. It’s what I am, and so will my kids be. Still, I pick and choose where I want to be Indian and where I want to be Australian. When I first moved to Australia, I was really sad that I left Delhi and all my friends, but in hindsight, I think this was the best decision my parents ever made – for them and for me. I love living in Australia. I think it’s a great country and you have so many benefits that you don’t enjoy in India. Being Australian opens so many more doors than being Indian. In saying that, I’m still very much in touch with my roots. My partner’s Goan and he’s been here for a very long time, he’s definitely more Aussie than me. But they’re family oriented and they go to Goa quite often. We’re both Australian and Indian and maintain both sides of that. I’m having two weddings, one in Perth and one in India, and I’m excited about wearing Indian clothes for my Indian wedding.
Naina
What are your feelings toward India? Do you find yourself defending it?
Simmi: Living here, you kind of romanticise India. I definitely find myself defending India a lot. Ananya: I think, especially in the rural areas of India, women don’t realise their rights and how things are done around the world. Naina: I can say whatever I want (about India) but if someone else says something… Delhi is a very different place now to the city I grew up and went to high school in. I would not go back and live there. I feel in Australia we have the opportunities. Especially in the past month, there’s been much talk about women, in leadership, in powerful positions, but in India the mindset is still different. You see women who work very, very hard. It’s very inspiring. Ananya: It’s weird because India had one of the first female PMs in the world, Indira Gandhi, but there’s still such a dichotomy between men and women. I feel the most Australian in India. Annie: You can’t deny there is a big issue in India with women, but it’s actually not an India problem, it’s a global problem. I think there’s a lot of movement and noise that’s happening in India so it’s accentuating the issue, but actually it’s a global issue. The country as a whole is trying to address the issue and they’re doing something about it. It’s the idea that femininity is considered a weakness, on an international level.
Annie
Tell us about your social life
All the girls say they have a mix of male and female friends, non-Indian and Indian friends.
Do you have any gay friends?
Geeti: I wish I had a gay best friend… Sharika: I know some Indian gay guys. Annie: I know some gay Indians too, and they’re accepted in our circles. Neha: I have friends in India who are gay and out, and their families are starting to accept them. Things are changing in India too.
Would you consider cosmetic surgery?
Annie: No. It’s like getting a fake Chanel bag! I want the real thing. I just wouldn’t do it. Ananya: I think it’s okay for later on when you need it. Geeti: You should age gracefully. Naina: I’ll buy an anti-wrinkle cream or something (laughs) Read more about the women’s views on society HERE Read more about the women’s views on relationshipsHERE Read more about the women’s views on the future HERE
How to ignore your insensitive Facebook friends and tackle your Durga Puja blues
Photo: Abhirup Chakrabarty
It’s that time of the year again,” read one of my friend’s status on Facebook. “The time of the clear blue autumnal skies back at home in Calcutta, Sharatkaal and the agomoni (homecoming of the goddess Durga).”
A pious one read, “Ma ashchhen (The Goddess is coming).”
I could not help a pun on that and chuckled to myself and said, “No, winter is!” while the GoT soundtrack played inside my head and I marvelled at my own abilities at quipping.
A few seconds past, I hid posts from the former and decided to unfollow the latter.
Another friend’s post, who like me is away from it all but unlike me would rather indulge in brooding about it, read, “The orange-stemmed pristine white shiuli in my neighbour’s garden will be in full bloom now. My mother will have brought out her lal-paar (red-bordered) saris and made quite a few trips with my scowling dad in tow to the bank lockers for her jewellery. Tooni bulbs will light up the lane on which my house stands. The loud speakers will be blaring with welcome notes for the passers-by in the voice of a random volunteer who is selected on the basis of his vocal virtues and the bass of his baritone. It will also play raspingly, forgotten yesteryear songs featuring the heart-throbs of my mother’s generation till a brave roak-baaj chhele (often meant to describe a youthful man who whiles away his precious time indulging in the infamous Bengali lyadh or indolence; and brave because he would audaciously take on the genteel old folk in the neighbourhood who think theirs was the only golden age) would come to the rescue of his generation and quietly put us out of our misery and stop playing the songs I used to think of as background noise. And today, I miss all that background noise.”
This time I felt more betrayed by her than the first two. I snapped at her indulgence and then unfollowed her.
I sat all day yesterday and scoured the internet to read all the tales of awe and wonder and nostalgia that surrounds Durga Puja, while alternatingly snapping at, avoiding, hiding and unfollowing festive posts on my Facebook wall – pretending that I remain stoic and unaffected by this festival and dissing the faceless crowd that indulges in pandal-hopping and the silliness of it all, only to see my own face fixed in the torso of that fox who declared the grapes were sour.
Then, I cried myself a river.
When there were no more tears to shed, I made a plan for both the brooding and the vengeful to tackle those Durga Puja blues. A man passes next to a huge art installation by painter and sculptor Sanatan Dinda made with mud, bamboo and fibre ahead of Durga Puja festival in Calcutta.
The plan for the brooding
You shall indulge in everything Bengali. You must doll yourself in ethnic wear, buy your copy of the Pujabarshiki (the annual festival copy of a popular magazine) for triple the price of course, take part in the festivities and act like it is better than Kolkata for you have the clean air and the backdrop of Sydney and the intellectual and natural bon homie of Bengalis. You will serve bhog, wallow in lyadh and adda (group chats that could range from mild and malicious gossip to intellectual Kafkaesque worldly views).
And when you begin to miss the real deal, here is my real plan for you. Drown yourself in all the misery by watching home-bred movies that will make you come to terms with your best joys and the worst fears at this time of the year! And I promise you that it will purge the melancholy out of you.
You will be one with the celebrations back at home if you follow Apu and Durga’s journey in Satyajit Ray’s Pather Panchali in the wee hours of the morning. After a long family lunch, you must play Rituparno Ghosh’s Utsab or Aparna Sen’s Parama or even Pradeep Sarkar’s Parineeta and reminisce about the extended family you despise mostly yet miss relentlessly.
For your dinner date with the festival, opt for a thriller like Ray’s Joy Baba Felunath or Sujoy Ghosh’s Kahaani. In all these films, you will find the signs ushering in the festival, in the midst of it or the promise of next year; and you will find life’s aspirations, the construction and deconstruction that happens in an event of this scale, our madness for this much awaited time of the year, or if you look closely enough, fragments of your own story.
The plan for the vengeful
You will unabashedly live life these five days of the festival and put it out there for your Facebook posse. You will hop the best pubs, sip on the cleverly crafted beer and wrap your saree over a bikini and let the wind make love to you on the shores. You can also live your Bollywood dream of the slow-motion sprint in a wet saree on the sands of Bondi. That will surely beat the blues out of you!
You will do Durga Puja the Aussie style with barbies and sun tans galore. And you will poke fun at the pious and the goody-two-shoes who put up inane status updates and better still troll them!
And when all the brooding and the vengeance is over and all the hurly burly is done and all the battles lost and won, you will make sure that you book your tickets to Calcutta much in advance for next year. Unless of course you enjoy tales of frustration from a writer sorely afflicted with nostalgia for home at this time of the year.
