My dearest Auntyji
My problem is so trivial that I am almost ashamed to bring it up, but bring it up I must. Because I want to be a better person and I want to be more loving – but I am stuck in my wacky thinking.
I am 45 years old and have a corporate role, as does my husband. Our jobs are pretty demanding – but we manage quite well. Now my husband is a gora and the reason I tell you this is because it is pertinent to the story.
Every now and again Auntyji, when I want to relax, I listen to old Bollywood songs. And I will sit there, eating chocolates, drinking hot tea and watching old Bollywood songs – and by old I mean anything from the ‘40s onwards.
Sometimes when I am there, in my happy place, watching YouTube and listening to the songs, my husband comes over, plops himself down next to me and watches the song. Every now and again he will go, hmm hmm as though he is thinking. Then he might ask a crazy question. Last week I was watching the Shashi Kapoor-Babita song Bekhudi mein sanam. You will agree this is a beautiful song. In one scene Babita was wearing a green (teal) outfit, and Dave laughed and asked me why she was wearing a green Santa Claus outfit. Now if he doesn’t have questions, sometimes he tries to sign along to the songs. Now Dave does not speak Hindi, but he attempts to sing the song and then mangles the whole language. Then other times, he might walk over to the TV and start dancing. At which point I have no option other than to remind him that he is half English – which he hates, or I laugh at his silly antics. What to do, Auntyji?
My dear gulabo, this is all your fault. Didn’t I remind someone else a few months ago – some other dakhini that she had betrayed her people by marrying an oppressor? Well, you too have made the same bewakuf choice. Billions of eligible jawan chiknas (don’t miss that SRK reference), and you decide that someone from the dushman camp would be best suited as your life partner.
So there is no solution for you. When you married our people’s oppressor, you were essentially signing up to be tortured for the rest of your life by a gora mangling our language with his received pronunciation through the King’s English.
Bachao mujhe, what kind of days am I seeing, where these besharam women think nothing of marrying anyone and then complaining about them for trivial matters. This is what you choose to complain about? What did you expect? Leave your poor patidev alone. I googled the Bekhudi song when I got your note – and when I saw Babita in her teal outfit with white fluffy cuffs and collar, boots, and oh that hat, it was crystal clear that Santa was the inspo here. I dare say Babita’s daughters Karishma and Kareena, fashionistas that they are, Kardashian-style, would have this reel erased entirely upon seeing their mum dressed like that. Bekhudi (foolishness) indeed…!
And just when I was beginning to have respect for the colour teal, given its recent Australian connotations – ew.
And one more thing. Listen carefully, besharam aurat – have you even forgotten our traditions of honouring the husband? Just because you married a gora, does not mean that you forget our maan maryada. Go do a pooja and be grateful for what you have. Go pray to (((x)))) for the long life of your husband.
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