You ask, Auntyji answers!
We have recently bought a new home after years of renting, and I am absolutely delighted about finally owning a place to call our own. Our weekends are blissful with me and my husband wandering through nurseries trying to find plants for our garden or through Bunnings trying to find odds and ends for our lovely new home. The problem is this: my devoted and wonderful husband has responded to the responsibilities of home ownership with unusual fervour, and sadly, has started engaging in multiple DIY tasks – most of them concurrently. For example, he wants to put up lots of pictures, but lacked a drill so the pictures and odds and bods sat on the ground for weeks until he purchased the drill. Then, he decided that instead of buying a book shelf, he was going build one himself, and so for weeks, we had wooden planks and nails and stuff lying about the house while Rahul spent time on YouTube trying to learn how to put together a bookshelf. But the worst part is this. My husband, with his unfettered enthusiasm for do it yourself, has consistently demonstrated an abject lack of aptitude for this skill. He can barely hammer a nail into the wall without at least one blow to his thumb. If I were to be honest, I would say that he is absolutely useless with manual tasks. Despite having a PhD in Statistics and being able to put forth a compelling discourse on just about any topic, manual tasks and my husband are not friends, but this point is lost on Rahul. So Auntyji, what do I do to convince him that we don’t want him making any further attempts at DIY, because I am quite concerned about his health. Last week, he went and bought a very big ladder, though everyone knows that the probability of him falling off this is high to quite high. Previously, I indulged in his quest to feel like a real man on account of holding a Black and Decker and feeling its powerful, and satisfying, whir in his delicate yet manly hands, but now, I feel I am enabling his future DIY related injury. What shall I do, Auntyji? I want to be a good wife, but I can’t stand by and watch Rahul fall off a ladder – which is only a matter of weekends from now. Tell me what to do, please.
Ah, the plight of the sage wife who shares the particular misery of having a husband who is bilkul bekaar at DIY but who lacks the akal for self-awareness and limitations of his abilities. What to do? Well, as a wife you have a right to a stress-free existence with a husband who does not engage in wilful and reckless behaviour that compromises a healthy and happy life together. So, you can start by researching the number of accidents caused by husbands falling off ladders while engaging in DIY tasks and present this information to your husband – and seeing that he has a PhD in Stats, he will barely argue with this evidence. Put your foot down. If you have concerns about his abilities – then you insist that he can do one low-risk task at a time, until he has demonstrated an undeniable evidence of capability and aptitude, before he can tackle the more advanced tasks. I am sure your husband, if he is as devoted as you say he is, won’t argue with your logic and may even be secretly relieved at not having to prove his mardangi by being husband/carpenter/builder/roofer/tiler all in one. I suggest you act on this and issue your fatwa on the ladder and concurrent DIY projects effective immediately. Good luck.
A few weekends ago my husband and I went to an auction to buy a home, but lost the bid to another Indian couple. I really wanted the home, and tried to find out more about the couple and their two relatives. It seems all four of them have lived together in Australia for five years and the guy drives a taxi while the other two have jobs in banking and one is a babysitter. They seemed like nice people, but through general conversation with them, I wondered how these four managed to buy such a beautiful and expensive home and then I knew it’s because the guy who drives the taxi does not pay taxes! I am so angry that someone who does not pay taxes can buy a house while we don’t get to do this even though we work so hard. I want to call the ATO and report this guy, but my husband said I should mind my own business and let them be. Further, my husband says that I don’t know the full story, so I should not make assumptions. But I am feel that by not paying taxes, he is stealing from the state. What are your thoughts?
You kulankani, you horrible dayan – really, this is how low you want to go because you did not get a house that you wanted? Kis tarah ke insaan ho tum? It’s people like you who make Indian people look bad and you should be ashamed of yourself and your gandi, low-class thinking. I suggest you start taking some time to think about what a horrible person you really are – because only a jealous, spiteful, ignorant, horrid person would do something like what you are suggesting. This is why you don’t have a house yet – because the universe fails to reward people who are selfish and vile like you. So I suggest you go and cook for a hundred people at the temple to make amends. Really, you need to change your thinking and listen to your husband.
Seriously? Call the ATO based on a hunch? Man, what is the world coming to?