Dear Auntyji
I am an Australian, married to a lady of Indian descent. I occasionally read your columns and need an online dictionary to understand some of your gaalis, but on the whole, I think that you give good advice, and your directness and call-a-spade-a-spade approach works well. I am hoping you can counsel me as well.
We live in a large home in Sydney and my wife’s sons (early 20s) from her first marriage also live with us. Our home is loving, happy and harmonious, and I love my two stepsons as though they were my own. But Auntyji, as the boys are growing up, every now and again, one of them might get frustrated over something and may raise his tone with his brother. They never ever argue with their mother or with me.
But when they debate something, I feel a bit of tension, because I can’t stand confrontation. So in those moments, I put on a record and I listen to my heavy metal at volume. My wife gets upset by this, because she says it’s too much stimuli for her and the music stresses her. But I say that I should be able to listen to my music in my house – and I do it to block out the noise of the debate. The boys don’t like my music much but they only complain when I do it when they are arguing. Am I wrong here, Auntyji? How do I tell them the music soothes me?
Auntyji says…
Listen up, Iblis ke nana, I will say this only once. Only a White man has the audacity to insist on having his own way, and having his selfish needs met over that of his family while declaring that he should be able to do what he wants in his own house. Seriously? Is this how you think, you individualistic shaitaan?
So your wife has created a loving home for all of you. And when people live together, every now and again, there will be some disagreements – even if they are minor. And your response to this is to listen to black metal? Are you not aware of how music affects our emotions? And black metal – which some people say are the croonings of shaitaan, can be particularly jarring and unsettling. And you choose to play at volume? A most stupendous way to terrorise the family.
So listen up you budtehzeeb, two brothers communicating, even if tones are raised, is all part of healthy family dynamics. What no one needs is Darkthrone or Neurosis screeching their incantations from hell – inciting all to madness. I understand that you want to block out their voices, so use headphones – the hearing damage can be yours alone. Better yet, retreat to the pub where the rest of your people gather to get away from their families.
And one more thing. Your house? Your house? Yes, this is the same attitude that all the goras had when they decide to come and pillage India. No, it’s not just your house. It belongs to all your family.
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