Ask Auntyji

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Get with the program, Auntyji!

Dear Auntyji

You have such insightful advice for everyone. Such pearls of wisdom you give to all of us. So Auntyji, if you are so sage, so wise, why is it that you are not on Facebook? And why can’t I follow you on Twitter? And surely you would have a blog? Is Auntyji scared of technology? Please tell me that these things are in motion, and it’s only a matter of time before my day can be brightened with insightful tweets from you. And all my friends agree with me on this – you really need to get aligned with technology. What say you?

Auntyji says

Oh you namarad, oh you besharam, have you no shame calling me a Luddite? Let me tell you why I am on not on social media. Let’s start with Facebook. Facebook is where friendships go to die. It is the biggest time-waster ever and is only useful for narcissists who want the world to know what they are up to and how cuddly shuddly and sho shweet their little chand ka tukda is. Besotted parents post image after image of their ugly babies and recalcitrant bachche, and all their friends feel compelled to post inane ripostes, such as, oh, so cute, oh your baby is so beautiful. And somewhere along the way you feel validated about your miserable existence because 5 people commented on your latest photo. Here is the reality for people who post baby pictures on FB. No one cares about your ugly baby but people will make comments in the hope that you will reciprocate with comments about their baby. Additionally, if people don’t comment, they come across as rude or discourteous, so they engage in the insincere and manipulative social behaviour of posting nice comments. People, get over it. Your babies are ugly, no one cares what the baby did and honestly, get over yourselves, it’s not about you. Stop being such narcissists. Go and walk in the park and pay attention to what your kid is actually doing instead of looking for opportunities to take cutesy pictures to post on FB. Naturally, I don’t loiter on FB because if I did, I would be the one posting honestly refreshing, candid and accurate comments such as, man, your baby looks like Raavan’s offspring. See, now do you really want me on FB?

As for Twitter, you are right. I have so many insightful things to say which are intelligent and funny that of all the people tweeting out there, I should be number one. I have good things to tweet, yet I am not going to waste my time or my pithy comments on people who just don’t have the insight to understand wit when they see it. So yes, while I have lots to say, I don’t want to say it. I’m keeping mum. My khamoshi should say it all.

There, is this sufficient reason to understand why I am not on FB or Twitter?


Beedi jalai le, or not?

Dear Auntyji

I have a particular problem that I am hoping you will help me solve. I am in love with an Aussie man. He is a wonderful human being and I love him dearly. My only issue with him is that he smokes, and I absolutely hate it. He is trying to give up, but when he goes to the pub each Friday night, he smokes a fair bit. Not only that, he insists I come along and we sit in the beer garden and I second hand smoke with his leisurely drags. This went on for two years, Auntyji, and I complained and complained. Then one day, I told him I am no longer going to the pub with him, if he was going to smoke. So I stopped going to the pub. Now, we have a dear friend whom I really like seeing with Andy on Friday evenings, but like Andy, he too smokes. So I said that let’s go for dinner, and instead of going to the restaurant, they insist on meeting at the pub first. Now being a good Muslim girl, I don’t drink nor smoke. This means I need to sit there and wait for them to finish their cigs and beer before we can go for dinner. I am beginning to find this most irritating. Not only that, now, Andy’s solution is that I don’t have to go to the pub. Instead, I can wait at home for them, and when they are done, then we can go and have dinner together. I find this most upsetting. I don’t understand why they just have to go to the pub for drinks on the odd occasion that I get together with both Andy and Chris. I don’t think I am being selfish, Aunty. I have not stopped Andy from seeing Chris, I have never stopped Andy from going to the pub – and I tolerate his smoking as long as he does not do it near me. So why can’t Andy just go straight to the restaurant with me instead of being a bogan sharaabi who has to have a drink at the pub before going to a restaurant which serves alcohol anyway.

Auntyji says

Oh dear. Oh dear. What to do. This is what happens when you fall in love with someone – you take them with all their bad habits and foibles. Now I totally understand that you hate smoking and yes, it is a rather disgusting habit.  The important thing to note is that he is trying to give up, and with your love, understanding and patience, I am sure he will follow a healthier lifestyle. As for going to pubs with his friend and smoking, well, I get that you don’t like this habit.  Especially if they sit in the beer garden and smoke and expect you to go along with this. Well, the solution seems to have revealed itself. If you hate the smoke-filled environment that much, I think you are right not to go along. But you have fallen in love with an Aussie man, and there is a tradition of going to the pub – so I doubt that you will be able to get him to stop doing this. Besides, you don’t say that he comes home drunk – which means that your Andy does show some judgment. So in the instance that they insist on going to the pub before a restaurant, you can’t stop them, and you don’t have to go to the pub either. Just decide on a time to meet at the restaurant, and both of you get there independently. This way, no one gets upset, Andy gets a nice quiet drink with his buddy, and you avoid the smoke-filled atmosphere. All’s well that ends well, nah?

The original Australian sub-continental agony aunt. Email: info@indianlink.com.au

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