SANAM SHARMA still hoped India would save face, until England handed the team an innings defeat
It was 10pm on Saturday night Australian time. Lunch had been called at Old Trafford, England on the 3rd day of the 4th test match between India and England. India, as they usually do on away tours, were struggling big time to save the game. England were already 180 odd runs ahead in the first innings with a couple of wickets to go. The pitch was evidently assisting seamers and quickies. All ominous signs for India going into the 2nd innings.
I quietly hoped for India to get through day three with minimal further damage and then wished for some divine assistance from the rain gods on days four and five. Just to save face. And the test match. Winning the game was never an option after the first 30 minutes on day one. The heartache of the underperformance by the Indian team was too much for me to put up with in a conscious state of mind. So I went off to sleep.
Around 3.30am I somehow woke up. My mind went straight to the game being played at Old Trafford. “Let me go switch the TV on in the living room and watch the rest of the game,” I thought to myself. As I started to wriggle out from under the quilt, I glanced at my wife sleeping next to me and decided to refrain from turning on the TV. For the next few moments I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. My mind furiously trying to contemplate the status of the match.
“Perhaps India managed a deficit of 190 runs and then the Indian openers put in a 200 run partnership in the second innings while I was asleep,” was the positive thought in my mind. I felt so good even thinking about that scenario, as improbable as it seemed in reality. “What if India were four down for 80 odd by now, still trailing by 100 runs?” was the next thought. I think I actually shivered and then abruptly discarded such a blasphemous thought and stuck with the former scenario. The best case scenario from an Indian’s perspective. Albeit a wishful scenario.
I wriggled a bit more in bed, trying to figure out a way to sit in front of the TV and see what had transpired at Old Trafford. I felt a little nudge from my wife, as if to say “stop moving and go to sleep, for God’s sake, you silly man”. I went back to staring at the ceiling, my head still bursting with permutations about the test match. Then, a light bulb went off (pun not intended) in my brain. I fiddled in the darkness across to the bedside table, stumbling to find my phone. A sharp manoeuvre and I had my arm below the edge of the bed, almost touching the carpet, with the phone in my hand. I held the phone and lit it up, without alarming my sleeping wife with the bright glare.
Then, a deep breath as I punched in the website to check the live scores. As the website loaded, I awaited with eyes closed in anticipation – and a quick prayer, much like I used to do prior to checking exam results in school. It worked most of the times in those days, so I hoped for a similar miracle here as well. I squinted from the corner of one eye to see if the website had finished loading. I mustered all my courage and faith to open both eyes. And then with one big hurrah, I looked straight into the phone screen. Anticipating a miracle from the Indian Team, yet again, for the millionth time.
The phone glared back at me with the headline: “Ten Men England Team Smash India by an Innings”. I rubbed my eyes a bit to make sure I was reading it correctly. Then looked at the phone again. It still read that India had been decimated by an innings and 54 runs. I felt like throwing the mobile phone against the wall. But then felt another nudge from my wife, in good time, to refrain from doing so.
My mind went numb all of a sudden. And so did my body. My first thoughts went to a good friend from Pakistan who I knew would have been itching to message me on Facebook to rub in the result of the game. For the past three days he had been pestering me about India’s performance, since India were reduced to eight for four in the first hour of the game. He even sent me a few screen shots of the Indian dismissals to rub it all in. I had kept assuring him that I would have the last laugh. Like you do with anyone from Pakistan. On any national matter. I now knew that I would not have much of a comeback to respond to his taunts.
As I finish writing this post I have three Facebook messages flashing on my phone from my Pakistani friend. Damn!
It's not ‘just a game’!
Ramadan in Lakemba
During the recent period of Ramadan, Lakemba was transformed into a vibrant food bazaar, writes IZHAR KHAN
During Ramadan, the south-west Sydney suburb of Lakemba is transformed every night into a vibrant food festival that attracts hundreds of people to the streets to celebrate.
The recently concluded Islamic month of Ramadan, celebrated by Muslims, marks a time where followers fast from dawn until dusk without any food or water.
Many of the street food stalls open just before Iftar (the time when the fast is ended by having food or water) with many mouth-watering street food varieties and remain open until suhoor (the early hours of the morning when the fast starts). Not only members of the Muslim community, but other Australians also enjoy all types of cuisines including Middle Eastern, Malaysian, Indian, Pakistani.
The suburb of Lakemba has become a popular food hotspot that is boosting the local economy.
One of the visitors said, “We come here to buy everything , from famous camel burgers to the chicken kebabs”.
Popular items includes samosas, pakodas, Malaysian roti chanai, sweet corn and various sweets, including Indian jalebis, Lebanese sahlab and baklava.
It’s truly a multicultural ceremony, where every person is invited to enjoy street food.
If you are passionate about food and enjoy all varieties of food from various parts of the world, this is a place not to be missed!
All photos: IZHAR KHAN
On Mark Twain’s India
On Mark Twain’s visions of India – before Independence, now, and into the future
American writer Mark Twain wrote about India in 1896: “This is indeed India! The land of dreams and romance, of fabulous wealth and fabulous poverty, of splendour and rags, of palaces and hovels, of famine and pestilence, of genii and giants and Aladdin lamps, of tigers and elephants, the cobra and the jungle; the country of a thousand nations and a hundred tongues, of a thousand religions and two million gods, cradle of the human race, birthplace of human speech, mother of history, grandmother of legend, great-grandmother of tradition, whose yesterdays bear date with the mouldering antiquities of the rest of the nations – the one sole country under the sun that is endowed with an imperishable interest for alien prince and alien peasant, for lettered and ignorant, wise and fool, rich and poor, bond and free, the one land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for the shows of all the rest of the globe combined”.
If Twain was to write the same description of India now, on the eve of its 68th Independence Day celebrations, one wonders whether he would still be so poetic. The vast array of information he would have at his hands to record his review, would paint a markedly different picture: India is indeed a confusing country. While it is world’s largest democracy, its leadership is restricted to narrow confines. Though it spans across a huge land mass with over 200 languages and some 700 dialects, it has managed to stay together as a country even after 68 years of Independence. While a vast number of its citizens live in abject poverty, a small number have amassed incredible wealth and riches, and seem oblivious to their fellow countrymen. Young people are ruled by older, corrupt politicians. There is deep belief in all things religious, yet society is adept at taking short cuts where the end is more justified than the means. Indians worship millions of different gods, yet they are more accepting of other religions and beliefs than any other society. The Ganges is heavily polluted, yet they seem to believe that it will provide an abundance of food and water to care for all. India is chaotic, yet inexplicably, the system seems to work. It is a country which confuses and confounds yet is admired for its character.
Moving forward, if Twain had to revisit his opinion of India in the year 2047, one hundred years after Independence, would this be the country he would be looking at: India has come a long way in just a century. Society has maintained its spirit of tolerance, and improved to ensure there is greater equality between its men and women, who have moved from their traditional roles to being true partners. Education is a strong factor in weaving the fabric of society together, and the vast millions enjoy a higher level of living standards. The world watches in wonder at the fusion of India’s traditional strength in agriculture, with its status as a leader in newfound frontiers of technology. The government is led by young politicians representing the bulk of its populace. There is peace and goodwill with other nations in its neighbourhood, and the world regards India with respect.
Living with Hindu values
A three-day youth camp encourages Australian Hindus to reach their full potential
Young members of Australia’s Indian community were recently afforded a unique opportunity to become reacquainted with their Hindu heritage.
In a three-day camp organised by Yuva, a unit of the Hindu Swayam Sevak Sangh Australia Inc, participants engaged with ideas and activities relating to living with Hindu values in the Australian environment.
Thirty one university students from Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne attended the event at Yerrinbool, NSW in late July. Based on the concept of ‘Seva’ (service) the students were treated to an engaging learning environment jam-packed with physical and mental activities.
Daily activities included prayer, yoga, team games, discussions, workshops, lectures and ‘garba’ dances in a schedule that began at 6am and concluded at 11.30 pm.
The stimulating program included interactive workshops focused on character building, personality, giving back to the community through ‘Seva’ and on developing long lasting healthy relationships, with a niche focus on brotherhood/sisterhood.
Equally thought-provoking were the quiz sessions on Hindu culture and the debates about controversial issues faced by Hindus living outside of India.
All activities were designed to be relatable to the participants’ everyday life, and gave them better insights to deal with challenges they may face in future.
The physical activities were intended to push the youngsters outside their comfort zones and link theories from the workshop sessions to real life situations. In one activity for instance, a blindfolded team was led by their leader through obstacles, with no language used whatsoever. Instead they devised sound signals for actions required.
The daily dose of physical activities also included traditional games such as Kabaddi, Kho Kho, Guru Chela, Sher Bakri, Suryachakra, Langdi taang. Regular team building games like ultimate frisbee, dodgeball, soccer and yoga classes in the mornings with Suryanamskar workshops, were also an integral part of the camp.
The daily quiz turned out to be the most exciting part of each day, with questions based on history, geography, astronomy and so on. The most thrills though, not surprisingly, came from the section on Bollywood!Indeed, the Bollywood questions also turned out to be the game changer for the entire quiz contest!
And of course singing and dancing is never far behind when a bunch of Indians get together! Patriotic songs such as ‘Galat mat kadam uthao soch kar chalo’ were sung with great fervour as the participantsqueued up in files for ‘Shakha’ – the evening ode and prayer ceremony. And the ‘garba’ sessions had everyone clapping and twirling away in gay abandon.
Meal times, vegetarian of course, offered a great opportunity to catch up and share insights about the experiences of the day. Sitting around the communal dining table, Ankhita Ananda, one of the camp participants spoke of the many new friends she had made.
“The opportunity to enhance our adaptability and enrich our personality has also been worthwhile,” she said.
“I didn’t realise I was learning!” chimed in Smitha Iyengar. “I was too busy having fun”.
The Yuva camp was headed by Sri Ramyavaran from the HSS, with activities co-ordinated by six volunteers including Amit and Vaishnavi from NSW, and Kailash and Rahul from New Zealand.
As only the second ever HSS Yuva camp, the event offered a great sense of community and a valuable platform for young Hindus to come together.
Building a quality collection
Learn how to ‘edit’ and reinvent your wardrobe
Do you ever feel like your wardrobe is bursting at the seams? ‘I have too many clothes yet I feel like I have nothing to wear’. Is this a complaint you’re familiar with?
You can’t decide what to keep and what to give away? How do you find that balance between buying new outfits and still keeping your cupboard organised?
Building the perfect wardrobe is realistically a constant work-in-progress, a bit like the saying ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’. It can be overwhelming at first, especially if you already have a wardrobe saturated with clothes and accessories – things you have possibly hoarded or bought only because they were on sale, without caring how often you’d wear them!
Here are some useful and easy tips to motivate you to get through this process.
The sorting process
1. I recommend a seasonal sort and store process. For example when Spring/Summer is approaching, pack away the sweaters, jackets, woollen scarves and stockings. This way only the relevant seasonal clothes are retained. Easy and manageable for outfit planning!
2. Do a cull during this packing process. Think about three things: how many times you wore an item during that season, if it will still be relevant next year and if its condition is still good enough for next year
3. Decide to eliminate or retain based on the above and then either donate or sell if still valuable. Think E-Bay, Gumtree or even create a Facebook page for good quality preloved items!
4. Organise. Create a system for storing your jeans, skirts, shorts, tops, dresses and even accessories. Keeping things well displayed will give you a good idea of the clothing and accessories you own, to work out new outfit ideas. Sometimes out of sight can become out of mind!
What to keep?
1. Certainly keep any investment pieces that you paid a decent price for – that leather jacket or evening dress for example
2. Keep anything that flatters your body type, makes you feel confident and that others have often complimented you in
3. Highly versatile pieces should be kept – for example a well fitted black dress or a perfect pair of jeans
What to buy?
Now the part that we all love and find any excuse for!
1. Try to ‘buy less, but buy good’ (easier said than done especially when that ridiculously low price sale is calling your name). It is a matter of getting into the habit of restraining yourself.
2. Try and acquire some quality basic pieces that will go a long way in creating many classic and polished looks, whether it is for work, the weekend or a casual occasion. A trendy piece like a coloured pair of pants is less likely to be versatile.
3. Always equip yourself with a few good accessories – like a timeless watch, pearl earrings, some sparkly necklaces and a couple of good handbags. In the latter case, go with the best your budget will allow. Sometimes even a plain outfit can look fabulous just being paired with an expensive-looking bag.
4. Remember, when you make a new purchase try and offset this by subtracting something from your wardrobe (discard, donate or sell).
Get inspired
Opening yourself up to new styles and outfit ideas can actually save you money! It is all a matter of finding inspiration somewhere and you can turn the pieces already in your closet into something totally fresh and creative.
1. Use Pinterest and create boards by colour, for example: how to wear black and white outfits or reds, yellows. Follow Facebook pages of stylists or style bloggers for new ideas.
2. Browse through magazines, even something as simple as a Kmart catalogue. This can give you a great idea for styling a simple yet classy look.
Have fun with wardrobe editing and reinventing!
A musical memorial
Aparna Nagashayana performs a special concert in memory of her father, Pandit Garud, writes SUDARSHAN NARAYANA
Well-known singer Aparna Nagashayana’s charity performance on Saturday 2 August, fundraising for charity, was a wonderful evening on many counts. I have known Aparna for a long time, but she is also well established among the Indian community in Sydney. She runs a music school, Bhavika, and trains the next generation of Indian Hindustani singers. Her accomplished compositions for the musical ‘Devdas’ are already popular across Australia.
Aparna’s performance at Strathfield Town Hall was held in memory of her father Pandit D.S. Garud, who himself was a well-known and much revered musician in India. Pandit D.S. Garud composed hundreds of songs and trained hundreds of students who practise and perform today. Indeed Aparna comes from such a rich family of artistes as Pandit Garud was the son of Kannada theatre giant Garud Sadashiva Rao.
This year marks the birth centenary of Pandit D.S. Garud, and it is being celebrated across India. This concert evening was a contribution to his memory by his youngest daughter, Aparna, through their shared dedication to music. What better dedication could one hope for from their offspring!
The evening’s program was filled with compositions by Aparna’s father, Pandit Garud, and her family. Even more special was that Aparna’s two daughters, Gargi and Dhatri, supported her singing, filling the audience with happiness to see the family tradition continue.
Aparna aptly started the first part of the evening with the Kannada song ‘Purva Kalyan’ heralding the arrival of the Guru. It was followed by the elaborate and wonderful rendition of raga ‘Kalavathi’ set in vilambit Ektal. The rendition then moved onto a traditional composition in Roopak tal and finishing with a lively composition ‘madhura madhura murali bhajaavat’ in Teental. Without a shadow of a doubt, she enthralled the entire audience.
The second part was filled with songs which resonated with me because of their affinity to theatrical music. The compositions were much more dramatic and stretched the range of classical music’s elements to bring the emotion of the songs to the listeners. The deeply expressive, playful and lyrical songs in ragas Pratheeksha, Mishra Maand, Jhinjoti and finally in Malkauns were all eminently rendered by Aparna.
In the current troubling times, with conflict in Ukraine and Gaza, the plight of Sri Lankan refugees, and sexual attacks in India, the evening was a retreat into quiet and peaceful solace.
Given that this was the birth centenary memorial for Aparna’s father, Pandit Garud, who was born in the same year as the outbreak of World War I, the evening tied together a multilayered response to the times we live in.
The evening brought the music of a previous time into this troubled century.
Rakhis are now better bought and sent online
For years, girls and women went to the market to buy rakhis. Now in the age of e-commerce, ahead of Raksha Bandhan on 10 August, a slew of websites have launched attractive offers that makes rakhi-buying a simple online experience
Praveen Sinha, founder and managing director of Jabong.com, says that “online shopping has not only saved the time and (helped people avoid) long queues at post offices (to mail them), but also made the experience worthwhile”.
“The online stores offer a refined variety of valuable gifts and rakhis to its customers. We are offering a limited and exclusive collection of rakhis as we know there are people who are looking forward to online shopping rather than buying rakhis from overcrowded markets,” Sinha told IANS.
According to a report by industry lobby ASSOCHAM, the overall online retail industry in India is likely to be worth Rs.7,000 crore ($1.1 billion) by 2015 and the credit goes to easy internet access and availability of broadband services. However, sectoral figures were difficult to estimate.
Other than Jabong, portals like like Amazon, High5store.com, Giftxoxo.com and Giftsmate are also bringing smiles on customers’ faces by focussing on easing the process of rakhi purchases – by letting them choose from a wide array of products and delivering the products nationally as well as internationally.
“We see Raksha Bandhan as a great occasion to connect with our consumers. In line with our vision to enable consumers to find, discover and buy anything we have worked towards bringing more selection and variety in our rakhi store which is a perfect blend of traditional and changing trends,” Vikas Purohit, category lead (Fashion), Amazon India, told IANS.
“Customers no longer need to fret over an appropriate choice of gift and especially wonder how to gift to their loved ones in faraway places,” he added.
Some like High5store.com and FabFurnish.com are even offering a complete pack with a gift, rakhi, sweets and tika (vermillion).
“People living in a city do not get enough time to visit relatives living even next to their block very often. In this culture, buying rakhi online is coming up as a much-preferred option,” Vineshkumar Kunhiraman, founder and managing director of High5store.com, told IANS.
From simple threads with trinkets, cartoon character inspired ones to Rakhis with zari-work, studded ones and those in silver or with precious stones are some of the hot-picks at e-commerce sites.
“Rakhis with cartoon characters are a big hit with kids. Rakhis with zari work, designer rakhis with American diamond work and Thali rakhis are making a trend,” added Purohit.
Customised rakhis are also making a trend this season.
“Lot of people are going for personalised rakhi options where one can personalise the thread with a name or message. Also, threads with Rudraksh, pearls and beads are grabbing eyeballs of customers,” said Manoj agarwal, co-founder of Giftxoxo.com.
Additionally, there are many websites luring customers with additional discounts and gift coupons for the occasion.
“At Giftsmate, we have come up with an enticing range of Rakhi gifts for all. So be it a newly married brother, little brother or your sister – one can choose gifts amongst various categories – regular and personalized rakhi threads, greeting cards, personalized t-shirts for brothers and sisters,” Amit Sharma, director of Giftsmate, told IANS.
Jabong is offering free silver-plated coins with the Rakhis, while High5store.com is offering 50 percent off on rakhis, and products are also offered with sweets and gifts to complete the celebration.
What’s more, prices begin from as less as Rs.50! Now what are you waiting for?
IANS
Thanks to Google, woman reunited with parents after 17 years
A woman, who went missing from a train when she was six-years old, was reunited with her parents after 17 years – all thanks to a faint memory, an enthusiastic Assam official and Google
It seems straight out of a typical Bollywood movie.
Gudiya, 23, was reunited with her parents 17 years after she went missing on a train at Barauni railway station in Bihar.
When she went missing she could speak only Hindi and today she can speak no other language other than Assamese.
But her parents are happy.
After she was put in a children’s home, Gudiya was not able to tell about her parents in Patna. She only remembered that one of her uncles worked in a biscuit factory near a railway crossing in front of her house in Patna.
Neelakshi Sarma, an official of Assam state child protection society, tried all options to trace the whereabouts of Gudiya’s parents.
She said last month she along with her husband visited Patna in search of Gudiya’s parents but failed.
“It was full of frustration and disappointment as we returned without any trace,” she recalled.
She added: “It was a coincidence that I met Gudiya and develop closeness to her. After that I decided to trace her parents and to reunite her. I succeeded thanks to search on Google.”
Her efforts paid off when she got a strong clue during a search on Google.
“I was searching on Google for hours. One day I got the contact number of a biscuit factory in Patna that help me to trace Gudiya’s uncle and finally her parents,” she said.
Her parents rushed to Guwahati last Monday and met her.
“Gudiya was reunited after 17 years. Her parents hugged her,” she said.
According to Gudiya’s parents, in April 1997, Gudiya along with her maternal uncle was travelling by train from Patna to Guwahati on an express train to meet her grandfather, who was a railway official.
But fate had something else in store for her.
Gudiya’s uncle got down at Barauni railway station to purchase some eatable and failed to catch train. But Gudiya child travelled to Guwahati where railway police officials found her alone and shifted her to a childrens home.
IANS
Mixed Doubles
Intercultural marriages not only help break down social barriers but also promote understanding and acceptance, write RAJNI ANAND LUTHRA and SALONI KOBER
An anthropologist by profession, Marcus Barber of Brisbane thought he was quite well acquainted with Indian wedding customs when he headed to Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu, to wed his Indian bride Neha Sen.
But the juta chhupai tradition had him completely stumped.
Neha had asked him beforehand if he wanted any notes on what to expect. No, he had replied. He knew how to wriggle into the sherwani, was prepared for the mithai (sweet-meat) onslaught, and had vaguely practised his “lightbulb” moves for the dance floor.
But he did not expect that the bridesmaids would steal his shoes as he took them off for the Hindu religious ceremony. Or that they would demand a ransom for their return. As his bride’s cousins negotiated with him, the hapless Marcus had to turn to his dad, who coughed up the agreed-upon sum of, wait for it, $3000.
Sydney’s Peter Kober got off more easily at his Jaipur wedding to Saloni Agarwal. “I really enjoyed the juta chhupai event,” he says. “I was prepared for it and had some cash with me. But Saloni’s cousins didn’t realise I’m very good at negotiating! I bargained hard, and in the end I walked away with my shoes in hand, having spent only half of the money I had set aside for this. I think my brand new in-laws’ regard for me went up a few notches after that!”
For Andrei Hantu, though, the strategy at his Indian wedding to Smita Aggarwal in Sydney, was to keep moving around so his footwear stayed where it belonged, on his feet. Ultimately though, he did give in.
The tradition in question is a quaint custom at Indian wedding ceremonies. Taking place immediately after the solemnity of the rituals, it is aimed at bringing an element of fun to proceedings by involving the wider clan. The bridesmaids tease the groom by hiding his shoes, and relent only after he appeases them with a gift of cash.
For Marcus, Peter and Andrei, juta chhupai may well have been the moment the realisation dawned that they had married into a culture of chaos and commotion.
Their preferred words though, would probably be the more polite and genteel “culture of high-involvement”. These men are very accepting of differences between people.
In today’s globalised world, getting into a relationship with someone from a different culture has become commonplace. And with Australia’s rich multicultural melting pot, intercultural marriages are becoming the new norm.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, marriages of people born in different countries comprised 31.3 per cent of all marriages in 2012, compared with 28 per cent in 1992. In our community across Australia, it would be no exaggeration to say that there is perhaps one intercultural marriage in every Indian family.
Gone are the times of Mississippi Masala, in which the parents so vehemently opposed their daughter’s intercultural relationship that she chose to sever relations with them.
“Well, there was a bit of a cultural shock for Smita’s mother,” Andrei Hantu admits, “But she eventually came around. We’ve been married for six years now, and Smita’s family have been very open-minded and accommodating”.
Saloni Kober’s parents took to their Polish-born German son-in-law Peter Kober instantly. The two met at university and have been married for almost three years.
Neha Sen met her husband Marcus Barber also at university, in Queensland, in 2006. Her army-background family welcomed Marcus warmly. They have been married for five years.
For Jenny-Lee and Shibu Dahm, the case is reversed, with the Australian bride marrying her Bengali groom in a fully-ledged Hindu ceremony in Adelaide. Today Shibu’s parents live with the couple, and their young son Nikhil is soaking up the benefits of a bi-cultural, multi-generational household.
There are happy memories from each of the weddings that the couples recall fondly.
“For Peter, our big traditional wedding in Jaipur was an event full of new experiences,” Saloni recounts. “Our wedding was a three-day affair and the first day was the mehendi ceremony. Peter danced all night on the mehendi not realising that the actual ceremony for dancing, the Sangeet, was the next day. On the morning of the Sangeet ceremony his feet hurt, not only from the dancing, but also from wearing the Indian juti shoes. They hurt so much that he had to have a massage just to be able to walk. At the Sangeet function though, he was pumped up with energy and ended up dancing all night again”.
Neha relates the experiences of her husband’s family at their wedding. Some thirty members of the extended family flew in from Melbourne, keen to participate in the Indian wedding Marcus wanted. “Having arrived two days before the wedding, they all decided they wanted to wear Indian clothes. Luckily, my family engaged a local boutique that they know well, who had to call in all their tailors!”
So the weddings were grand celebrations, but what about the marriages since then? When a boy and a girl from different cultures meet, the road to lifelong happiness has more than a few bumps. Does love really conquer all – despite the differences in race, nationality, culture and language? How difficult can it get, when ‘difference’ is the default setting?
Marriage needs compromise from both partners, and in an intercultural marriage the understanding needs to go beyond just who cleans the dishes and who takes the rubbish out. What festivals will be celebrated? How will you bring up your mixed-race children? What religious beliefs will you inculcate in them? How will you negotiate the extended family? These are just some of the issues that need to be discussed before diving into a lifelong commitment.
The realisation can also be daunting that, not only do these core beliefs have to be managed with partners, there must also be a willingness to accommodate families, communities and wider society. This can take time and effort, and can end up fostering rootlessness and identity confusion. Mostly though, this management of core beliefs sets the agenda for a relationship that is constantly being negotiated and renegotiated. As one scholar, Carine A Cools, has suggested, this continual re-negotiation between the couple, and between them and their social networks, is what defines the intercultural relationship: all their moves are negotiated exchanges.
Child rearing, for instance, can be a particularly contentious issue. Family therapists have noted how couples, for whom their differences are a source of pleasure, are often shocked when they become parents and realise that they have very different perceptions of how kids should be brought up. Cultural indoctrination influences expectations of discipline, appropriate gender behaviour, choice of toys, the teaching of manners and so on.
Over and above these ‘big’ questions, stress may arise from the more mundane aspects of daily life, such as differences in styles of communication, or even how the dishes are cleaned.
“Something we still struggle with is the language barrier,” Saloni reveals. “Peter’s parents do not speak any English which makes communicating with them on my own almost impossible. Another unexpected challenge is how we both tend to switch to our native languages when we are extremely tired”.
But what the Kobers have come to realise, showing a maturity beyond their years, is that though there are differences, they fundamentally just aren’t that important.
“Our marriage is just like any other marriage,” Saloni observes. “What binds us is that, despite our different heritage and upbringing, we have the same values, the same world view”.
The shared values no doubt include a willingness to learn and accept new traditions. Peter impressed his in-laws with his knowledge of little couplets or chuns as part of the games played after the wedding ceremony. “I took some help from Saloni’s brother-in-law – and Google – and was ready with my chuns when the time came. I think everyone was enthralled with my Hindi,” Peter says.
“One of the things Peter has learned to like about the Indian culture is the importance of family and how we are always ready to help each other out,” Saloni says. “But his absolute favourite thing would have to be the variety of vegetarian dishes we have in the Indian cuisine”.
“Both Saloni and her mum are fantastic cooks,” Peter chimes in. “Their food is so mind-bogglingly yummy that I have given up meat and become a vegetarian myself, a decision I have not regretted for a second”.
Peter also loves the colour and fun of Indian festivals like Holi and Diwali. “While I may not always understand every little aspect of the Indian festivals, I enjoy celebrating all of them as I know how important they are to Saloni,” he says.
“With Peter being a Buddhist, and me being a Hindu, we make sure to respect and understand each other’s religious beliefs,” says Saloni. “We attend both Buddhist Meditation sessions as well as Kirtans together. We try and bring this understanding into the house by having a little prayer area with idols of Indian deities as well as Buddha”.
Religion was never an issue for Smita and Andrei as far as their two children, Oliver and Alina, are concerned.
“Even though Andrei is an Orthodox Christian, he is very open minded and accepting of my culture and traditions,” Smita says. “We go to the temple as a family and celebrate all the big Hindu festivals. Visiting my family in India, my son Oliver, who is two and a half, saw my mother praying every morning with her hands together and he learned to do the same. As parents, Andrei and I plan to make sure our children understand the importance of religion as they grow older but we do not plan to force them into it. We would like to give them the freedom to choose”.
For Jenny-Lee Dahm, the option is clear. She and her husband Shibu will keep their toddler, Nikhil, connected with Indian culture as best as they can, while he is exposed to his Australian culture from the society around him.
“It is important for us that he is proud of both his Indian and Australian heritage,” Jenny-Lee says.
Nikhil watches as his Bengali grandmother observes all the pujas, and is already learning from her.
“I’m keen for Nikhil to learn the language too,” Jenny-Lee says. “Shibu himself doesn’t speak the language, having lived in New Zealand for 35 years, but Nikhil is already picking it up. For instance, when he talks to me he uses the word ‘milk’, but when he talks to my mother-in-law, he comes up with dudu!”
The ease with which these couples adapt their attitudes also shows in other areas. Peter and Andrei love their kurtas, which they find very comfortable, and Marcus is waiting for the shoe-stealing cousins’ weddings so he can bring his high-fashion sherwanis out again. His Fabindia shirts, though, get a reasonably regular outing. Jenny-Lee’s wardrobe is awash with saris and salwar kameez, which she wears regularly to her meetings at the local Indian association, of which she is a proud member.
The Indian partners have introduced Bollywood to their other halves too, though with not as much success. Andrei will give the musicals a miss: “I prefer movies with good character development and story like Black or Lagaan”. Jenny-Lee is partial to Bengali dramas and classical music, and has “learned to appreciate the humour in Bollywood movies – even though the storylines are silly”. Marcus knows a few words in Hindi, such as paagal which he believes is a term of endearment for his wife.
Meanwhile, another intercultural couple, Vikram Harinath and Jacqueline Pinson, have adopted a completely different but equally successful pattern for managing their cultural, racial and religious differences. In a secular approach, their preferred tactic is to be minimally involved in the practice of rituals and traditions. Vikram grew up in Sydney and doesn’t consider himself and Jacqui as a unit to be “anything other than two Aussies”.
It is clear from our chats with all the couples that while, as in all marriages, communication is key, in interracial marriages there is added responsibility to communicate effectively because they share less culturally. The result is that they become very good at communicating their needs.
This is just the start of the transformational opportunities that intercultural marriages offer. Merely seeing things from a new perspective can be an eye-opener. The increased sensitivity to differences and similarities, and the willingness to accept and appreciate differences, also offer avenues for personal growth.
“I feel sometimes that my marriage has made me more open-minded,” says Saloni. “I put my own judgments and opinions aside when I’m in Peter’s world. It makes me more flexible and patient. I’m always conscious that there’s more than one way of looking at the world”.
There is no doubt that the cultural differences are enhancing this particular marriage.
At the end of the day, it seems that other people outside the relationship can have a bigger problem accepting these marriages, and all they entail, rather than the couple themselves. After all, every marriage, regardless of cultural background, requires compromise and adjustment from both husband and wife.
Making an intercultural marriage work might require patience and dedication, but isn’t that true for any successful and happy marriage?
Time to remember
On the centenary of the start of World War I, we look at the contribution of undivided India to the war effort
Driving through the Adelaide Hills recently, I was enjoying the passing scenery, when a roadside epitaph caught my attention. The sign indicated the name of the locality: Verdun. Verdun! It sparked a chain of poignant memories, taking me back to my trips to Western Europe in the late 1990s.
The Verdun that is vividly etched in my mind is the (in)famous battle ground of World War I, a killing field that saw over 700,000 casualties on the warring French and German sides.
Ringed with forts, Verdun was once an important citadel in the Lorraine region of France. But when I visited this lovely little French city on the river Meuse, it was an awesome spectacle in a different way. What must have been a terribly traumatised war zone had been transformed, by dedicated hands and forgiving nature, into a tranquil memorial for the unknown thousands who died on this soil.
Verdun represents a deeply moving tribute to soldiers who perished in battle. A sweeping green landscape covered with rows upon rows of neatly laid out crosses, more than 15,000 in number, over which handsome memorial shrines and other structures stand sentinel. An eerie peacefulness reigns over the now sanctified land. The senselessness of a war that killed thousands hit me, as never before, like an immense blow, that day almost two decades ago.
As I contemplated the famous Verdun, after my chance foray into its namesake in Adelaide, my thoughts swung to the graves of Indian soldiers that I had also visited in Europe. Like the one in Forli, Italy for sepoys deployed in World War II. Lost soldiers, unknown in India, but their memory beautifully nurtured by citizens of a foreign land.
It is strange but true, that thousands of European soldiers perished in the battle fields of Europe during the two World Wars – but so did thousands from the far-off Indian subcontinent. The death toll for Indian soldiers during World War I alone is said to be around 74,000, taking into account the extended war theatres in Turkey and the Middle East also. Of those who could return home, more than 67,000 were injured.
Undivided India was the largest contributor to the war effort among all British colonies a hundred years ago. It sent over 620,000 combatants and 470,000 non-combatants overseas between August 1914 and December 1919. They went into battle in lands as diverse as France, Belgium, Turkey, Middle East and parts of Africa including Egypt. They participated in many famous theatres of operations during the World War I, like Neuve Chapelle, Loos and Somme in France and Ypres in Belgium. They earned countless decorations, including eleven Victoria Crosses, for gallantry in action.
The casualties among Indian soldiers deployed on the Western Front during World War I are estimated to be over 62,000. The soldiers fought at Gallipoli in Turkey, with some 1600 deaths. The macabre list does not end here though. Of around half a million Indians engaged in the Mesopotamian war theatres, several thousand sepoys perished.
This year marks the centenary of the beginning of World War I. At such a moment, it is difficult to accept that the world at large is ignorant about undivided India’s sacrifices in Europe a century ago.
The fact is India was drawn into the Great Wars as a subject of the British kingdom. In 1914, it had become necessary for the Allied forces to shore up their strength against the onslaught led by Germany.
The vast population of undivided India was an easy pool for army recruitments. Most of the soldiers came from poor and uneducated peasant families, so it is difficult to find much textual documentation of the war experiences originating from the soldiers themselves. This was also the time when the independence movement was gaining momentum. Perhaps this is why such little attention was given to this grim but heroic theme in the collective Indian consciousness.
However, letters sent home from the fields, and chronicled by the British authorities, provide valuable insight into the feelings of the soldiers facing the destructive war in an alien and distant terrain. The letters speak of unsuitable food, chilling cold, lice infestation and other grim conditions prevailing in the trenches.
A wounded soldier wrote from a hospital in England in 1915, “Do not think that this is war. This is not war. It is the ending of the world. This is just such a war as was related in the Mahabharata about our forefathers”.
“It is quite impossible that I should return alive. Don’t be grieved at my death, because I shall die arms in hand, wearing the warrior’s clothes. This is the most happy death that anyone can die,” wrote the Sikh soldier Indar Singh from the battle field of Somme in September, 1916.
There are a number of beautifully maintained monuments and shrines in Western Europe and in England dedicated to the memory of Indian soldiers. Slowly and steadily, such places are becoming focal points of tourism for many Indians and people of Indian origin from across the globe.
Until now there has been little awareness within India of the massive contribution Indians made to the war effort of those years. This situation has prevailed despite the homage routinely paid to the country’s unknown martyrs at the British-built India Gate monument in Delhi every Republic Day. However, India’s unsung World War heroes are finally finding acknowledgement in the public consciousness.
In October last year, Indian President Pranab Mukherjee laid a wreath at a monument for unknown soldiers in the Belgian capital, Brussels, in honour of thousands of Indian troops who fell in
World War I.
This year, Independence Day in New Delhi will be celebrated by commemorating colonialIndia’s brave sons who gave their lives in defence of the British Empire in foreign lands. Also on this day, a Chennai-based environmental organisation named God’s Tree Trust, plans to launch a major program dedicated to planting 74,187 trees across the country in honour of Indian martyrs of World War I. In France, the Global Organisation for Persons of Indian Origin, or GOPIO, plans to mark the centenary of the Great War with special homage activities on 15 August for Indian soldiers.
Digging into the history of Verdun, Adelaide, I discovered that this predominantly Prussian settlement of the 19th century was earlier known as Grunthal. The town was renamed in 1917 to honour the victory of the French in the Battle of Verdun, one of the bloodiest conflicts in World War I.
There is no record of action by the British Indian Army in the terrible battle of Verdun one hundred years ago. Nevertheless, as I drove away from our Verdun that day, the memories of World War I seemed to echo in the Adelaide Hills. A good part of these memories, for me, belong to the brave Indian soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice in war-torn Europe a century ago.
