Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Let’s be friends, mate!

Reading Time: 3 minutes

There is a peculiar pattern to how desi folk get to know each other at gatherings. There is an unsaid, unwritten protocol for this adventure to play out during each interaction. A tightly-scripted dance of ego and chauvinism precedes any two unrelated desi strangers becoming acquaintances.

glasses with beer clinking at a desi dinner party.

Once the two strangers spot each other at a desi dinner party, chances are they may not leap at the opportunity to introduce themselves with a handshake straight-away. Instead, they quietly revert to their respective bunch of friends and exchange periodic glances from the opposite corners of the room.

The glances are responded to with stern body language utterly devoid of any warmth or emotion. It’s a Mexican stand-off. A real ego tussle being played out about who will go up first, and say ‘hello’.

Eventually, as the night progresses, the two strangers are introduced, usually by the host. Pleasantries out of the way, the newly acquainted individuals will continue to stand next to each other. Still in silence. A drink in hand.

“So, what do you do, mate?” is the usual ice-breaker (“mate” in bold italics is intended to highlight the “Aussie accent” applied to this utterance). Intended to ease the tension and help the two strangers mingle, this seemingly harmless little query initiates another mini ego contest. For the next 15 odd minutes, our newly crowned ‘desi acquaintances’ will now try to out-do each other’s careers. Eventually, most often, they will agree to disagree about their professional superiority.

READ ALSO: Facebook friends or fiends?

The ‘employment bout’ out of the way, the next topic of discussion is likely to be “So, where do you live, mate?” And yes, you guessed it, another 15-minute debate spent convincing each other why their respective suburb or estates is among the most upcoming residential areas of the city. And yes, once again, let’s just agree to disagree.

Around 30 minutes into this ‘get-to-know each other’ combat, and the kids of these two whiz past in their frolic. At the typical desi dinner party, the children are summoned (often sternly), by their respective parents, and instructed to greet the newly found “Uncle” or “Aunty”. Kids, who were never keen to come to this party to start with, fork out a token unwilling ‘Namaste’ under duress.

But the ego dispute between the two adults is yet un-resolved. So they try and settle it by shifting their debate to “What school do your kids go to, mate?” Now, this query can be the real decider of status and social hierarchy. The person whose kids happen to attend a private/grammar institution wastes no time to claim some “ego-miles” to leap ahead of the other.

The other person realises they are losing ground. They blurt out “State education statistics” to establish that the school attended by their children has the best rating and results. This is followed by a well-placed parting remark: “Private school kids are often spoilt. And there is a massive drugs issue at such schools, mate.” The contest is back to even-stevens.

And so it goes on. Bout after bout. Debate after debate. Until the party ends. “Who was that guy you were talking to at the party?” ask the respective spouses on the drive home. “Some useless dude who was trying to show off how cool he was,” is usually the response.

“But, I made sure I told him who I am and put him back in his box!” are the famous last words for the night. From both our protagonists.

Avatar
Sanam Sharma
A typical middle class guy who is abundantly opinionated, moderately flawed, and adequately grounded

Related Articles

Top 10: Muck up festivals of the world

From fruit to colour to poop, some festivals are simply a celebration of having a messy good time. By FARZANA AHMAD

What I miss and what I won’t this COVID Diwali

  Diwali during a global pandemic is probably something you never saw coming. Usually, during this season, there’s a strong urge to avoid over-zealous relos...

Virtual Diwali: We’re not going to let COVID ruin our festive season!

  Thank you to those of you who have already registered for Indian Link’s Light Up Your Home Contest (brought to you by WorldRemit). You...

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisement -

Podcasts

Ep8: Indian links in Indigenous Australian poet Ali Cobby Eckermann’s life

0
To celebrate NAIDOC week 2020 (between 8-15 November) I spoke to Yakunytjatjara poet Ali Cobby Eckermann about her time in India where she taught...

Ep 7: In the case of Sushant Singh Rajput

0
  The torrid and high-octane Sushant Singh Rajput case has been fodder for Indian people and press for the last few months. The actor’s tragic...

Ep 6: The Indian LGBTQ+ community in 2020

0
  It’s been two years since the world’s largest democracy repealed the draconian Section 377 which used to allow discrimination against homosexual people. Only this...
- Advertisement -

Latest News

india ayurveda surgery

Indian medics condemn move allowing Ayurveda docs to perform surgery

0
  The Indian Medical Association (IMA) has strongly condemned the recent move by the Central government which will allow post-graduate scholars of Ayurveda to formally...
Mala Adiga policy director

Biden appoints Mala Adiga as Policy Director for next First Lady

0
  Joe Biden, who will become the United States' President in January, has appointed Indian-American Mala Adiga to be the Policy Director for the next...
indian farmers

Indian app to support farmers wins 2020 ‘Call for Code’ challenge

0
  India-based agri-tech startup AI Farm has been chosen as the Asia Pacific Regional Winner of Call for Code, a competition asked developers to create...
middle class melodies

Review: Middle Class Melodies (Amazon Prime)

0
  Telegu film Middle Class Melodies - don't go by the title - is not a musical, nor does it have any reference to melody....
A Simple Murder sonyliv

Review: A Simple Murder (SonyLIV)

0
  A Simple Murder does become contrived at times, given the willing suspension of disbelief it demands as the episodes roll, with unfailing frequency. But...