Auntyji: Stop hating on Priyanka Chopra!

Our resident agony aunt answers your dilemmas!

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Yak yak Priyanka

Dear Auntyji

My husband and I were recently discussing Priyanka Chopra, and how she seems to be everywhere, and we wanted your rai. Both Neil and I happened to come across the YouTube video of Priyanka on Jimmy Fallon – and we were both really disappointed in her. She was wearing something that revealed a lot, in particular her fake silicon charms, and we thought she was bringing shame on Indians everywhere. Why does she have to be everywhere – on TV, on YouTube, Facebook, everywhere. And she is now even writing a book. I think she is overexposed, and sometimes, literally. What are your thoughts?

Auntyji says

Ya khuda – is shaitaan ki aulad ko muaf kijiye, because they are such jahiliya, ki they don’t realise they do not have the huq to judge anyone. You nasamajh paapin! Kyun mujse panga le rahi ho? You know nothing good will come from this, nah? Priyanka is one of the finest actresses of her generation. Have you not seen Barfi? Have you not seen Mary Kom? She is a wonderful actress and the only Indian entertainer to have crossed to mainstream Hollywood in recent years. Here she is, minding her own business, perfecting her craft, trying to keep everyone entertained with her talent – and bewakuf log like you and your husband come along and judge her. And what vast personal experience do you and your nasamajh hubby have that you know silicon from real? Tumhare paapi man me to sub kuch silicon lag raha hoga, nah? Look, unless you yourself have entertained millions of people, and have achieved fame east and west, then you have no right to judge Priyanka. Leave her alone. And if she is on TV, YouTube, Facebook, then you need to review your own social media accessibility habits, you budtehzeeb. Go hide in sharam in the corner for exposing your backward samajh.

Box-ticking, or true recognition?

Dear Auntyji

My name is Jaitun Nisha and I am a data scientist working a large bank in Sydney. I am also a hijaban – which means I wear the hijab to work. Now our bank has been talking about our diversity measures, and last week, my manager advised me that I was getting a promotion and that I was being put forward for a management role. Auntyji, I have been working really hard, and at first I was really pleased with this recognition – however, I have begun to think about this and am wondering whether they are giving me a promotion because I am a token Muslim and I help make their diversity numbers look good. I don’t want my colleagues to think that’s the only reason I got the promotion. What should I do – should I turn down the role?

Auntyji says

Tauba tauba! What is going on in the month of February that I am getting all sorts of dimwits writing to me about crazy stuff. Well, listen to me, and listen to me real good Jaitun Nisha. While it’s true that organisations want to improve their diversity measures, this must not come at the risk of tokenism. It is always going to be a meritocracy – because everyone will see through any box ticking exercise. So if your naseeb khul gaya hai and you have been offered a promotion, then masha Allah, you must give thanks for it, acknowledge the barakat that has come your way and work damn hard to ensure no one will ever think you got the role because you tick a diversity box. You yourself have said that you have worked hard – and do you know how rare it is to find good data scientists? So here you are, being smart, working hard, getting recognised and you immediately allow the shaitaan to colour your thinking? Now that’s not very scientist-like, is it? In fact, if you really are a data scientist, you will also know that diversity metrics need to yield results – and if there is tokenism, very soon, the whole thing will fall apart, like a boondi laddoo in the hands of a fat little petu. So stop thinking like an unpadh ganwar and accept your recognition and show the world what Jaitun Nisha the ninja data scientist can do. Salaam.