Funny things our mums say
Have you noticed how mums say the most hilarious things, even if they don’t mean to? In moments of stress normally brought on when they’re not happy about what they consider as our latest act of insanity, they say something silly that absolutely has us in splits. Its great having a funny mummy – in addition to all the loving, caring and nurturing, making us laugh is the icing on the cake! That’s why we love our mums!
Have you noticed how you can say the most hilarious things, even if you don’t mean to, and specially to your children? In moments of stress normally brought on when you’re not happy about your child’s latest manifestation of imbecility, you say something that, instead of chastising them, makes them break out into disrespectful laughter! When I was your age…. Well, having a sense of humour is just another challenge of motherhood – and don’t we know it!
Mum trying to help me with math: It’s 2 times little bitty 2.
Mum, that’s 2x².
Can you please not change the Google logo on my computer so often!
Mum, Google does that…!
Slow the music.
(She means turn the volume down).
Skirt neeche karo.
(She means my skirt’s too short for her liking).
We’re having Indian for dinner again today because we come from India, that’s why!
Dal is very healthy food, ask anyone.
You can do better than that in maths – you’re an Indian girl/boy.
You can’t go out wearing that!
Will there be boys at your party tonight?
You must marry an Indian boy.
Go to your room… no, wait, you like your room…
Don’t make me turn this car around.
Well, you’re the only one who could have done it.
Go ask Dad.
Do you think money grows on trees?
Indians can’t have babies till they are married.
We can drive like this, we are Indians.
I wouldn’t be driving like this if you didn’t make me late.
You can do anything, you are an Indian.
Of course you believe in god, you are an Indian.
Go wear your jumper, I’m feeling cold.
Do you want me to shout at you like a mad woman?
Get out of the shower NOW. (30 seconds after I get into the shower)
We are going out for a few hours; you’ll be alone at home, DON’T do anything we wouldn’t want you to do.
We don’t do that in our house.
I used to shiver in fright when my mother scolded me…. look at you, you don’t even listen when I scream at you.
Have you even brushed your teeth?
Do it NOW or else NO wifi for the next whole week.
Are you on Facebook?
MMwwwwaaaahhh, smooch, smooch, my little baby, I am so proud of you. Right, go do the dishes now.
Look, learn from the cat, she never answers back.
(When I tell her I got the second highest mark on the maths test) Who got the highest?
If you get that hair off your face everyone will be able to see how pretty you really are.
If your friends jump into the well, will you jump too?
There are no wells any more, mum.
Ok, into the Indian Ocean then!
We don’t live near the Indian Ocean.
Ok (screaming), off the Harbour Bridge then!!
Dad (muttering): Don’t give her ideas.
You’ve got to start ironing your own shirts – don’t assume your wife will iron them for you.
Then why do you still iron Dad’s shirts…?
I can get this made in India for half that price.
(After her 14th cup of chai: she’s seriously addicted, poor thing).
How many times do I have to repeat the same thing again and again?!
Why can’t you swtich off the lights/TV/computer when you leave the room? Bijli ka bill kya tumhara baap dega…
(Oh yeah, mum, baap hi to dega!)
Am I talking to a brick wall?
When I was your age I used to help my mum all day…
In our days we never had the guts to questions our parents, look at you…
Am I your servant to pick up your clothes, cook your food and clean your room…?
Can’t you both sit together for 5 minutes without bickering?
You’ll understand my pain when you have your own kids!
You call this homework ‘work’? This is how much we had to do in an hour, not over a week.
I don’t care if your friends’ families only invite a few people over at a time; we are Indians and I have to invite everyone we know including uncles, aunties and grandparents or they will get offended.
You are Indian and you call this spicy? Indians ke naam pe kalank ho (you are a blot on the name of the country)
That’s a total rip off! Buying at full price is against my retail principles… you want that latest game, research the best price in the market and make sure it’s on sale
I don’t care if it’s too much: if there are hundred seniors around you have to matha teko (bow before) all of them!
If you don’t learn how to speak Hindi you’ll never know what Dad and I talk about you in front of you
Don’t you dare say sh#@ – I will make you wash your mouth out with soap
Look at your tond (bulging tummy)… stop eating McDonalds or you will turn into a fat pig.
When I was your age I used to bike or walk to school. No fancy cars for us… learn to appreciate what you have.
Get off that Facebook-shacebook thing!
How can you be texting / facebooking / youtubing / watching TV while doing your homework?
Contributions from Ronit Jabbal (10), Janhavi Bhandari (15), Devna Luthra (15), Sarina Patel (15), Nehchal Anand (13), Manan Luthra (13), Dhriti Bhandari (13), Sachin Gupta (14), Sajini Gupta (16).
Photo caption: Ten-year-old Ronit Jabbal of Glen Waverley (Vic) with his mum Preeti
Photos: Ravinder Singh Jabbal