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Wash your mouth out, Auntyji

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Dear Auntyji 

Happy new year to you, Auntyji, and I hope 2022 is very successful for you. Have you made any resolutions for this year? Don’t mind, nah, but I have a suggestion for you and I was hoping you would oblige. To Auntyji, hamein yeh lagta hai ki you are a sensible lady with such good advice to give. You are always spot on with your salaahLekin Auntyji, what’s with all the gaalis? Do you really need to embellish your good advice with swear words – and carrying on like a dayan or a fish wife?  I have been reading your column for such a long time – why do you always have gaalis and shraap for your readers? Why can’t you be a nice lady and not swear and curse? I really hope that in 2022 you give us your advice in a sweet, nice-lady way, and not mixed up with goondagardi. I look forward to a sweet kind response from you, dear Auntyji.

Auntyji says

Arre, tere mouh meh kida pade. What kind of &%#$# are you that you think that a man has the right to tell me how I speak? Did you know that many of my readers like my moophat advice because the world has become full of unpadh ganwars who say nice things to the face but think paap shraap in their mind. At least I always say it like it is – and really, do you even know what a gaali is nowadays? Why don’t you walk down the gullies of Jalandhar to understand what gaalis are anyway. Everyone knows that my so called gaalis are really terms of endearment. Here you are, preaching to me and not even seeing the hypocrisy of your comment by calling me a dayan.

But I take your point and understand that you prefer ghee shakar from my mouhTo hum apne alfaaz aur zubaan Urdu ki tarah present karange – but only if you can get 10 other readers to support your idea. Vox populi will win – so put your paisa where your mouh is, and start gathering support for your request. I will be happy to oblige, mere shahjahanmera cool gin and tonic on a hot day, mera kheere ka cocktail. Happy naya saal to you too.

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