Thursday, July 29, 2021

Moving Day for the Trumps

Reading Time: 3 minutes 

Imagine that moving day has finally arrived for the Trumps. It is the morning of 19 January and some well-armed guards are dragging a hefty man out of the expansive White House, even as he kicks and screams, “I want four more years on this lease!” A huge crowd gathers outside on Pennsylvania Avenue, watching this scene with great amusement. A few protesters (ahem, rioters?) wave hand-made placards, all the while cribbing about a ‘robbed’ election.

Inside, the classic black suits of the Secret Service can be seen clearing the Oval Office. They expect to find a great pile of sensitive documents. Instead, they’re surprised to unearth an assortment of unusual items in the drawers of the mahogany desk.

In the top drawer are golf balls with the names of VIP players inscribed on them, along with precious score cards of games. (They all have one lead scorer: Trump.) In the next drawer, there is a half-empty bottle of disinfectant, presumably the same treatment that helped dear Donald recover from such a short spell of COVID.

Beside that, there’s a saffron-coloured shawl. You know, the special gift from the Howdy Trump gala with NaMo that reads ‘Ab ki baar, Trump sarkar‘ in Devanagari-esque cursive. Peeking out from underneath the shawl, hidden to the untrained eye, is a huge pile of pink slips used to sack White House staff. Alas, no one from the Secretary of State to the lunch lady was immune.

A special key is exchanged between the Secret Service agents to unlock one last goody on the table: the personal computer of the President, now padlocked by Twitter, Facebook and more. With the graceful turn of a key, it falls to the ground, putting an end to Trump’s reign of misinformation.

To prepare the house for the next occupant, maintenance men wash the walls, doors, and door handles with gallons of sanitizer. No one has the heart to share with poor Trump that it’s all imported from – you guessed it – China. As if cementing the man’s nightmare, a new shingle is also placed at the main gate: ‘J Biden’.

Even as dozens of removal trucks move out with loads of designer frocks, shoes and other accessories of Melania Trump, a lone truck pulls up with dozens of hot idlis specially cooked for Kamala by her chithi (mum’s younger sister) in Chennai, speed-posted for her Inauguration Day breakfast. There’s also a small packet of temple ‘prasad’ sent by the people of Tulasendrapuram, Kamala’s ancestral village. (But do they hear some of her pronouncements are not that India-friendly, according to those in the know?)

Across the pond at Downing Street, Bo Jo is expecting Jo Bi to keep up the tradition of visiting Britain first as a mark of respecting Anglo-American bond. Meanwhile, in far off Beijing, the sphinx-like Xi Jinping has already begun drafting an invitation to Joe Biden to visit the ‘ForBiden City’. New Year, new beginnings, perhaps…

Cartoonists all over the world plan an online wake on Zoom, one last ode to the man whose catchphrases and actions were their staple diet for four long years. I, too, will miss Trump, having written more on him than anyone else. But I’ve learnt not to count him out, the man who has mastered the art of the comeback.

For now, though, we can all agree to hope not for the comeback of 2020.

READ ALSO: US Elections 2020: Trump is finally the ‘chosen one’

- Advertisement -

Related Articles


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisement -


Ep 9: What do young Indians want from love?

  Growing up in Indian culture, most of us know that love has never been as popular as marriage. Even in the movies, the main...

Ep 8: Indian links in Indigenous Australian poet Ali Cobby Eckermann’s...

  To celebrate NAIDOC week 2020 (between 8-15 November) I spoke to Yakunytjatjara poet Ali Cobby Eckermann about her time in India where she taught...

Ep 7: In the case of Sushant Singh Rajput

  The torrid and high-octane Sushant Singh Rajput case has been fodder for Indian people and press for the last few months. The actor’s tragic death...
- Advertisement -

Latest News

Covid-19 Vaccine Selfie

Vaccine selfies show people doing civic duty and encouraging the community

  Have you been vaccinated yet? And if you have, are you one of a growing number of people who posted a selfie on social...

Back to WFH: Funny tweets about working from home (again)

  Let's face it: for many of us, WFH always sound great... in theory. Whether it's the kids, construction noises outside, or the temptation of...
Men's doubles badminton pair of Satwiksairaj Rankireddy and Chirag Shetty.Source: IANS

Olympics: winning medals the only mark of success for Indian athletes?

  Is winning a medal the only yardstick for success at the Olympic Games? This debate is set to rear its head again as Indian...

10 tweets that sum up lockdown life

  With today's announcement that the Sydney lockdown will be extended by another 4 weeks, it looks like we're going to have to stay home...
Indian women's hockey team olympics Great Britain

Tokyo Olympics: Indian women’s hockey team lose to Great Britain

  The Indian women's hockey team suffered a third successive defeating the ongoing Tokyo Olympics as Great Britain won the tournament 4-1 at the Oi...