Thursday, February 25, 2021

Auntiji: Wisdom at work

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Dear Auntyji,

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I am 26 years old and after my Accounts degree and CPA qualification, I have found a very good job at a prestigious bank. I am ambitious and would like to make an impression and get ahead, so can you please provide me with some ideas and suggestions? Any help or advice would be useful.


Auntyji says

Oh, I remember those days when I too used to work at a prestigious bank. Those long hours, those never-ending late nights and weekends, those corporate perks and bonuses. Ah, those good old days before the GFC. Not to worry my dear, I have some solid management and personal branding advice for you. Back in the day, I used to use the PIE methodology to brand myself in the workplace and it worked so well for me, that year after year, I got my bonus! So, the PIE framework is simply this. The ‘P’ stands for performance. This means that your performance must always be superlative and top notch. Never ever give anyone an opportunity to cast doubt on the quality of your work – and if it means you need to work harder and longer than anyone else, then so be it. Performance is key. The ‘I’ in the PIE framework stands for image. Your image must be polished at all times, perfect shoes, well-cut suits and no missing buttons or stained clothes. Your image must be quality. Now, your image is also what you say and do, in other words, your reputation. So always deliver when you say you will, and become known for a person of your words. So, ensure that trust and integrity is your middle name. Finally, the ‘E’ in PIE stands for Exposure. By this, you need to ensure that you have appropriate exposure at work. Always look for opportunities to highlight your work your work to others, not through boasting, but by offering to help and providing guidance and support as much as you can. And when you write emails, ensure that each email is an opportunity to raise your profile and to enhance your brand. This also means making your manager look good. So every single day, in every interaction, you need to be mindful of how your brand is impacted. You want to have a brand that is polished, reliable, solid, top notch and total quality. If you focus on these things and work hard, there is no doubt you will be successful at work. Now, write back to me after you have implemented this, and I will give you even more advice. By the way, you owe me 10% of your annual bonus, accha?


Pool problem

Dear Auntyji,

I have a particular sawaal on which I need your guidance, my pyaari auntyji, and mujhe madat karo nah! I am a conservative middle-aged man with solid values. I live in a terrace where there is a swimming pool for everyone in the complex to use. On the weekends, after my golf, I like to come home and use the pool to cool down. A shower just doesn’t have the same fluid luxury on a hot day.

The problem is aunty, that by the time I get home, the pool is usually filled with lots of women, all young and like apsaras from temple carvings, in their tiny bikinis. I am usually so intimidated by this that I often just don’t go to the pool. My wife laughs at me and says I am being silly. But aunty, when there are 20 or so apsaras in the pool, I think it is haram for me to venture there. But the cool pani seems so inviting in such garmi. Please, aunty, kuch bolo na, mai kya karoo?


Auntyji says

Oh mere pyare! Tum to bahut hi nazook sa admi lagthe ho – yet I like your innocent nature. I can bilkul understand why you would be intimidated by this scenario – not every man’s dream is to be surrounded by a bevy of half naked sundaries on a garmi ke din.

Well, if you want to float in a cool briny sea of pleasure on a hot day, you will need to conquer your fears and go into the pool for a swim only. I’m sure all the other middle-aged men in the complex will admire your courage and will secretly want to be you. You will need to cast your eye downwards and only enjoy the water, and not the view. When you have cooled down, then promptly leave the pool area – although I doubt that there would be any cooling effect based on the scenery available to you. Once the girls realise that all you want is to swim, they will ignore you. Of course, if you start talking to them, they will probably find it unusual, but if the pool is a communal one, then the only thing stopping you from using it is your own fears. Conquer those my dost, and you can conquer the world. Those apsaras are probably more intimidated by you then you are of them, but these gore log usually have a live and let live policy. So you should follow suit. Remember, ankhen downwards and enjoy the water only. No perving or I will come there and cause such a tamasha, you will never go to the pool again!

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The original Australian sub-continental agony aunt. Email: info@indianlink.com.au

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