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Sunday, January 17, 2021

Ask Auntyji: helping a hoarder and teaching a tosser

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Our resident agony aunt answers your questions

AuntyJi.Indian LinkFOB
DEAR AUNTYJI
My parents migrated to Australia when I was two, and at 32, I consider myself Australian, with Australian sensibilities. Last year, I went to Delhi for my cousin’s wedding and met a beautiful Indian girl, who my aunt introduced to me. We communicated for quite a while and I found out she matched all my interests and we were quite compatible. In any case, 4 months ago we got married, and a month ago Shaila came to live in Australia and we went for a honeymoon in Tasmania. Now Auntyji, as you know, Tasmania is just beautiful. So I was driving to Cradle Mountain, and Shaila was eating an apple and when she had finished, she opened the window and tossed the core out. I asked her why she did that, because who throws things out the window? But Shaila said the animals would eat it. Then, an hour up the road, she finished some Cheezels and coke and opened the window and tossed the empty packs out. Auntyji, I nearly lost control of the car as I skidded to a halt. I asked her what the hell she was doing, and Shaila could not understand the big deal. I thought she was educated and had some sense and refinement about her, but she turned out to be a bogan. Shaila could not see what she had done wrong, and was furious with me for skidding to a halt on an icy road. Auntyji, I am quite perplexed as to why someone would not even think twice about littering in a world heritage listed national park. What kind of person have I married? She is perfectly suited to me in other respects, but I live in dread of finding out other nasty surprises, just waiting under the surface to catch me unawares. What should I do Auntyji? Shaila still makes references to “our first fight” and I have explained to her that in this country, you don’t toss litter out the window. But what of other nasty surprises down the line? How should I deal with this?
AuntyJi.Indian Link
AUNTYJI SAYS
Well, my dear pahelwan, my hero, I am so proud of you for standing up to your new begum and telling her exactly what we do and don’t do in this country. It is very important that recent arrivals are taught the basic courtesies of Australia, for example, we don’t toss trash out the window of speeding cars, we don’t spit in public, we go the bathroom and blow our noses instead of snorting and we wear antiperspirant and deodorant to save our colleagues from the olfactory assault of curry infused BO. You did the right thing. It’s important that Shaila learnt quickly the rules of the land – before you were fined hundreds of dollars for littering in a national park. What kind of kalankani have you married who shows no respect for the land she has just arrived in? Doesn’t matter. All this can be easily solved. We have rules in this country that are designed to make it a better place. We do not pollute our countryside with contaminants that we are happy to put inside ourselves, such as Cheezels and coke. (Honestly, you need to educate Shaila about food. Who eats Cheezels and coke? Is she 13? Either way, educate her about the nuances of living in a westernised country where someone throwing rubbish out the window of a speeding car is the same as a jahil who spits paan in the corridors of the Taj Mahal. This is not on. Let me know how I can help. I am happy to speak to Shaila and teach her etiquette. I have no interest in Shaila giving the rest of us Indians a bad name. Good luck – and I’m proud of you for standing up to your new patni. Most men would have been a chuha who said nothing.
AuntyJi.Indian Link

Three-year-old hoarder

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DEAR AUNTYJI
My three-year-old son Vicky is the most lovable little man you have ever seen. He is sweet, happy, affectionate and playful. But Auntyji, for the last six months, he has developed an unusual habit and I have done nothing about this because I thought he would grow out of it.
So Auntyji, each night, before Vicky goes to bed, he goes in the kitchen and finds an apple or a banana or a small packet of nuts and puts it under his pillow before he goes to sleep. At first, it was really cute to see him do this, but now I am getting concerned. Why does he do this? In the morning, I usually take these foods away and if Vicky sees me do this, he does not say anything. I have tried asking him, but all he says is because he wants to do this.
Auntyji, do I need to take him to doctor? Should I be concerned? Why does he need to hoard food? By the way Vicky has a normal appetite and does not seem to eat any more or less than his cousins of the same age.
I look forward to your response.
AuntyJi.Indian Link
AUNTYJI SAYS
Aww, how cute! Vicky sounds like a very interesting young man. Now, if the chhota nawab is a healthy happy, affectionate young man with no medical issues, then I suggest that you simply monitor the situation and do nothing about it. Of course, if he wakes up at night to eat this food, or he is always hungry, then it’s time to take him to a doctor. But based on what you say, it appears that Vicky does not do anything more interesting than leaving these foods under his pillow each night. Now, I don’t know how comfortable it would be having nuts or kela under his pillow – but if this is not bothering the little mite, then I suggest you stop worrying. Maybe little Vicky was a bhooka pyaasa sadhu in his pichla janum. Maybe in the last janum he did not have enough food, or maybe he was an animal that needed to hoard khana in order to ensure his next meal. But, my dear, all you can do is let Vicky do what Vicky feels like doing. As long as he is not eating the food at night, or saving it for his special invisible friend – then you have nothing to worry about. I am sure it’s a phase he will grow out of. By the way, if Vicky says he has a special friend who comes at night and the food is for this special dost, then you need to find a pundit pronto. These bhooth nath shenanigans are just not on.

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Auntyji
The original Australian sub-continental agony aunt. Email: info@indianlink.com.au

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