Sunday, May 9, 2021

That’s not funny, Dad!

Reading Time: 4 minutes

We love them to bits, but dads can sometimes make us want to cringe.

Here’s a list of things our dads do that make us go ‘Daaad, you’re embarrassing me!’

We love them to bits, but dads can sometimes make us want to cringe. Like when yours says, “Comb your hair!” when it’s taken 20 minutes and a whole jar of gel to achieve a cool ‘tousled’ look.  And you’re 30! Or he pretends to bump into you and your girlfriends in the mall, when you know that he’s been stalking you for the past hour, hoping to catch you’ll talking to boys!

When I was your age…” is all it takes to get the familiar ‘rolling eyes’ look. What is it about kids these days, in our day we were never so disrespectful to our fathers! But of course, we never got down to an impromptu wrestling match interspersed with shrieks of laughter. Kids may be quirky and annoying, but they can also be lovable and caring. Why else would they take their dad shopping for bikinis, or try besting him on the XBox. So what if their dad uses green Vaseline to gel his hair, it’s their job to embarrass their kids. Even Bob Geldof admitted that his kids don’t think he’s cool. “They think I’m a total tiresome loser. They say ‘daaaaad, you’re so embarrassing’ and ‘dad, why is your shirt unbuttoned?!” he said in an interview. But guess what, when they get to dad’s age, his kids will think he’s cool.  And it’ll be worth the wait!

Things my dad does that embarrass me

He shouts, “Run, girls!” at the top of his voice in his Indian accent at my cricket matches.

He tries to act cool in front of my teen friends, and has even said, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your homies?”

He’s really quite cool and I love him very much, but not when he’s singing I’ve Got the Moves Like Jagger.

He’s the worst dancer ever, but he thinks he’s great and always grooves right in the middle of the dance floor at parties!

When we’re at the shops and if I move out of his line of vision, he always calls my name out loudly, as if I’m 4 instead of 14!

My dad has a favourite story, that he used to bully Shahrukh Khan at school: he tells it all the time and I feel so emabarrassed!

He says he’s going to get an earring on his 50th birthday.

He wore lime green pants with a wide white belt and a pink shirt tucked in, to a party recently.

He drives around with loud Bollywood music blaring out of his car – it’s so embarrassing!

He brought out my baby photos at my birthday party. Yes, even the one of me in nappies. My friends put that one on a t-shirt!

He wants to adopt my fashion sense, wear skinny jeans and spike up his hair with gel.

He naps on the lounge and snores really, really loudly – just when my friends are over on Sunday afternoon!

He tried on a pair of really low cut hipster jeans, and then asked the teenage shop assistant whether they had ‘trendy’ wide-banded designer underwear to match.

He’s constantly substituting lyrics in songs, or singing silly English versions of Hindi songs.

He told off my maths teacher at school once – I was so embarrassed to go back!

He asks me to recite a poem, sing a song, or ‘show latest dance steps’ whenever we have company. I’m 16!

He tries to sing One Direction songs, but is convinced that the name of the band is ‘Inside Edition’.

He begins telling a funny story and is so overwhelmed by the punch-line that he’s in hysterics before telling it. So everyone’s looking bemused and waiting to hear it, while he’s laughing himself silly.

He’ll ask what movie is going on, about three times in the same hour.

He tells all my girlfriends I fancy Zac from One Direction just because he’s part South Asian like me… But that’s so not true, because I like them all… oops, does that sound bad?

When a Bollywood love song is on (eg You are my Sonia), he’ll start singing along and acting like Hrithik Roshan, and then grab mum and pretend she’s Kareena Kapoor. Thankfully she rolls her eyes most times and pushes him off.

He says, ‘What? Whaat? What did you say?’ He’s not hard of hearing, but he can’t understand my accent. It’s ‘Ab-(o)ri-gin-al’ not ‘Abor-i-ginal’, dad. And he says, ‘Po-ta-to, Po-tat-o, same difference!’

He sometimes belches loudly after a big meal and then looks around the table and says, ‘Who was that?’ It’s gross, but you gotta smile!

He likes to recount episodes of my babyhood, but when he gets to the terms I used to use for bodily functions, I have to hide.

He thinks Salman Khan movies are entertaining – ‘nuff said!

He makes one line jokes while in the midst of a serious discussion before a gathering.

He organises kids’ games at parties and tells them to dance around to warm up before starting the game. But he’s the only one dancing….

He puts up baby photos of me on Facebook and then tags me!

He sings in an opera voice just to make me laugh – it’s hilarious and embarrassing!

When we’re at the airport, he always tries to get an upgrade at the check-in.

Jeannette D’Souza, Sajini Gupta, Devna Luthra, Anushe Uzair, Nehchal Anand, Katarina Ahmed,

Mischa Sahgal, Sid & Nik Dixit, Manan Luthra, Kris Fernandes, Sachin Gupta

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