Toxic entitlement claims another victim

We need to stop placing our men on pedestals that elevate them so high that they can’t recognise what respect and consent look like

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The fact that it was International Women’s Day didn’t escape attention. That on the eve of the annual commemoration many of us went to bed with concern for the radiant doctor that the community had come to know as a colleague, a trusted healthcare professional, a daughter, sister, relative, friend, partner and for many of us, a beautiful face on the news.

By Wednesday morning, though, collective concern turned to universal devastation as details came to light of Dr. Preethi Reddy’s murder, possibly at the hands of a man she once trusted and cared for. The horrific narrative, still unfolding, paints an all too familiar picture in Australia today and one that plagues the subcontinental community with disproportionate acquaintance.

Preethi Reddy
Harshvardhan Narde

Statistically, it’s known that the most dangerous time for a woman in an unsafe relationship is when attempting to leave it as the offender’s sense of entitlement and ownership over the woman intensifies and he is more likely to harm her.

Dr. Reddy had long since left Dr. Narde but so great was his entitlement to see her, to possess her, to ensure no one else shared the life he longed to possess that he drove 400km under the pretence of professional interest to confront her in a professional setting. It is not an uncommon tactic for a man who has been personally rebuffed to show up unexpectedly at a woman’s workplace in hopes that the embarrassment and fear of causing a scene will result time given to him that was otherwise denied. Whilst the details of what happened in the hours of that night remain unclear, the unarguable truth is that Dr. Narde’s actions were all fuelled by a selfish desire to control a person he believed played a role in the narrative of his choosing.

Preethi Reddy was seen on CCTV at McDonald’s George Street, Sydney.

This extended beyond Dr. Reddy and extended also to that of an unknown truck driver whose life he seriously endangered and whose livelihood was destroyed. Even in the act of eradicating himself, an act that the police suspect was deliberate, he left a trail of random destruction seeped heavily in disregard for the life of others. There is no single victim of violent crime. Families, friends, communities, paramedics, police and bystanders all suffer – but at least they’re given the opportunity to. Dr. Reddy was a young professional in the prime of her life who was loved by many and, in time, likely would have come to be loved and respected by many more.

As we mourn the loss of Dr. Reddy, we must also look inward to our community, to the way in which we are treating our sons and brothers. It is no secret that our culture has long favoured the “boy-child”, and we’ve made giant leaps towards gender equality in the last ten years alone but it is not enough. It has not been enough for Dr. Reddy the same way it was not enough for Nikita Chawla or Harjit Kaur. We need to stop placing our men – young and old – on pedestals which elevate them so high that they can’t recognise what respect and consent look like. We need to pointedly discuss with them that whilst Bollywood films are enjoyable entertainment, they are not instructive texts on how to “win” women.

They need to know that women can, do and are absolutely allowed to say no. And that that means no. Shifting the mindset of our men may take time and work, but it is not even a question when the alternative is burying our women.

  • Tee Or

    Sad, she lost her life because of an Egoistic, Possessive Person. And, sadly that is the Trait in Most Indians whether Ladies or Gents. And yes, he was a Coward to go and kill himself – 2 Sins and 2 Wrongs in this Case.

    Every Nation has Toxic Personality but Indians have it a Lot More via Egoism, Crab Mentality, Tall Poppy Syndrome, Jealousy and What Not.

    Harshwardhan Narde was an Indian by personality, even though he might have got the Australian PR as he graduated from Bengaluru 10 years back. She on other hand, would have had both Australian and Indian personalities, having grown up and lived in Australia longer than him. Indians who grow up abroad as kids or teenagers have different personalities, traits, influences than ones who live in India.

    So, if an Indian thinks that an NRI, OCI, etc who were brought up as kids would have same influences, behaviour like Indians – MISTAKEN. Most of us don’t and many to most of us prefer to take the Good Values of Each Nation while leaving out the Bad Sides of Each Nation, especially 3rd Cultural Kids including Myself who has been brought up in Nigeria, Ireland, Oman, India and Australia. And, those influences get even stronger when 1 has Global Family including Intercultural Marriages like Mine.

    Yes, sadly, in India’s case, Toxic Personality is a Lot More. For Example, take BSNL or any other Organisation, NOT JUST Governmental Organisation – because India Still Doesn’t have Spam Laws, 1 can keep getting SPAM Calls, SPAM Messages, etc including those 140 numbers. REST OF THE WORLD, it is called HARASSMENT and with SPAM LAWS, the organisation will be blacklisted where if keep on harassing, the organisation and executives will face heavy fines along with JAIL SENTENCE for the employees and executives. SADLY, INDIA’S laws Citizens Don’t Bother a lot whether from Top OR Bottom. And this is just the Start of Things where Indian Citizens try these calls on Foreigners for Frauds, Scams, etc (All nations have Frauds, Scams, etc but more in Poor Nations where India is 1 of them as India’s Per Capita Income is 1 of the Lowest in the World and where India has 1 of the Highest Rates of Inequality in the World for Income and Wealth which are getting Worse).

    Don’t even need to start on the Craziness WITH THE Ladies within India, let alone outside India WHERE MANY INDIAN BROUGHT UP GUYS DON’T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE.

    Thanks to the Toxic Personality of many Indians, the nation is getting tarnished as many who go abroad try that personality abroad and tarnish the nation (Again, all nations have Toxic Personality but sadly India has it a lot more where Guys especially don’t know how to behave with ladies which happens within India itself, let alone abroad-includes Rapes, Killings, etc).

    Can keep defending on Rapes, Killings, etc and say US is bad and so on. Not sure why Indians look up to US and UK as they aren’t even amongst the Best Developed Nations even amongst the West as those would belong to Nordic Nations, Netherlands, Switzerland, etc for BOTH Human and Economic Development. Yes, US has issues with both Rapes and Gun Control but when it comes to Terrorism Issues, Kidnappings, Murders, Frauds, Scams, Rapes as well as Treatment of Humans within a Country whether they be from Different Regions or Different Religions and so on, India is way worse and that shows with Gender Inequality where India is 1 of the Toppers for it as well as Human Development Indices/Rankings worldwide where India gets knocked a lot