The young ones
I am a 45-year-old single lady and have the most gorgeous nieces who are 16 and 17. They have lived in England all their lives and I have mostly seen them when I have been on holidays in the UK. They are coming to stay with me for six months and I am very excited. But, Auntyji, I am a little concerned about what advice I need to give them, seeing that they are at a critical phase in their lives. And seeing that I am their aunt, I don’t want to let them down, as I am sure they look up to me. Can you please give me some advice, some sage counsel, that I can offer to my nieces?
Oh, how wonderful to have nieces who are English roses… possibly of the dusky variety, but roses nonetheless. Well, my dear, I have sage advice for you that you are going to love. Let’s start with you being relaxed and not worrying about the advice you need to give your nieces. These are millennial kids, who have grown up with social media and the internet, and in an era of selfies and trolls and the look-at-me-look-at-me lifestyle. This is the generation that thinks that every single thought they have is worthy of publication, every mouh they make deserves multiple endorsements of validation on Facebook, and everything that they do/say/think/want/hear/eat/drink should be public information. So, what advice to give to these young ones? Absolutely nothing. When was the last time someone gave you advice and you listened to it? How many times did your parents tell you to get married and have children and find a man and don’t work so hard and eat right and don’t smoke and give to charity and be nice to Aunty Pushpa? And how many times did you knowingly, willingly, happily ignore every single nugget of counsel that came your way? Seeing that you are still single at 45, I’d say you ignored pretty much everything that well-meaning, misguided friends and relatives told you. So why would you offer advice to your English gulaboes? I suggest that all you do is sit with them and let them be whoever they want to be, and just listen to them – listen with 100 per cent of your attention and ask them questions and feed them. And then prepare to be amazed and delighted and humbled by their wisdom and intelligence and generosity of spirit. The millennials are particularly interesting as a species, and if you happen to have access to study them in their habitat, then you are particularly lucky indeed. Good luck, have fun, and do put away those questionable pastimes of yours. You know what I’m talking about. No point corrupting their beautiful minds more than they already are.
Get back on track!
I have a particular conundrum and I do wish to hear what you have to say about this. I am most perplexed and wish that this problem would just go away. So, here is what happened. I work with an amazing team of people and we all get along really well. There are five women and four men in the team, and our boss, who is very intelligent and hardworking, is a man. He and I have gotten along very well for the past five years. He is married and so am I. Oh, and did I tell you that he is also very attractive, with a ready wit, easy smile and, Auntyji, he is blonde with very short hair, but on the top of his head is a smallish roundish spot of hair which is even more blonde, kind of like Indira Gandhi’s silver stripes but round. Sometimes I look at this spot and wish I could touch it. Not in a weird way, but like, sometimes you see a small baby with fat legs, and you just want to touch the legs? Well, that’s how I feel about Steve’s blonde headlight. In any case, last week, we all went to a pub to celebrate the launch of a major project and we had the best time ever. Now Auntyji, it’s only now that I have spent some time thinking about this, but three months ago, at a group meeting, I noticed that Steve was staring at me. I thought nothing of it at that time, but today, it kind of all makes sense. Anyway, on the night of the celebration, we had a great time, then we walked out of the pub laughing hysterically and talking with great animation. Steve called a taxi and the laughing, tipsy girls tumbled in, after they all gave Steve a goodbye kiss and told him he was a great boss. I was the last girl and Simone pulled me into the cab just as I was about to give Steve a polite, courteous goodbye kiss and I was thanking him for paying for dinner and drinks. Anyway, the movement of Simone laughing and pulling me into the cab, me waving and talking while reaching forward to kiss Steve’s cheek, and the starry moonlit night, all conspired to have me kiss Steve not on the cheek, but closer to his honth! At that moment, everything stood still for me as I realised what was happening, but in a heartbeat, I was in the cab thinking, what just happened? The next day, Steve and everyone was back to their usual professional self and I was left to ponder what really happened. I have not stopped thinking about it, but Steve is still as professional as ever. I wonder if there is anything between us. Auntyji, can you please guide me? Please tell me what to make of this?
Oh, you shameless girl. You paapin! Listen to you gushing and carrying on, as though you are a Mills and Boon heroine, giddy with romance because your nadaan hero kissed you in the moonlight. Listen up, you besharam aurat, you behaya. There is nothing going on here, and everything is in your head. That lone isolated event, which was the result of your high heels and tipsiness causing you to stumble and land your sinful hothon ke do phool kale kale next to your boss’s anmol lips, was nothing more than just that. Everyone has forgotten about the incident except you. You are making a mahabharat out of this, and no good will come of it. Stop thinking about this event and go back to being your professional self – unless you want a sexual harassment warrant out in your name. Paapin, surely your projects keep you so busy that you don’t have time to think such gandi baatein about your manager? And as for Steve’s blonde patch, you need to find some patch on your husband to obsess over. That’s your territory. Steve is someone else’s and your eyeing him with interest will only create disturbance in your world. No good will come from this.