Women’s foot-wear and tear

What is it with women and shoes, wonders  SUNIL GAUTAM.

Much after we discovered what the last surviving dinosaur had for breakfast before dying mysteriously without a will, there is still a question that would be begging for an answer.

How do we explain women’s passion for footwear? And why does this universal passion not result in comfortable shoes?

Okay, even if we surrender to the fact that every woman must have more shoes than she can count, why must half of them be designed specifically to not to fit her?

You probably have seen them everywhere – with two strings holding the foot in place and a heel that can serve as a toothpick. Women turn everyday walking into a balancing act that’s both risky and unnecessary. Essential features like good foot support, perfectly fitted arch, cushion for the heel etc, are nowhere to be seen in most designer footwear. Yet we see women shelling out big dollars to torture their feet in new ways.

I can almost hear fashion-conscious women think, “Ah, this shoe fits really well. How I hate it!”

Since it is safe to assume that men and women started walking at around the same time, it is worth finding out how and when men drew the line at four different types, while women went on a mission that is yet unaccomplished.

The conspiracy theory expert in me thinks that it is a joint operation by cosmetic companies and shoe manufacturers. There is an evil plan to make shoes that hardly cover the foot. As a result, women will make sure that their feet look good at all times. That would lead to regular expenses on pedicure, foot creams and nail polish. Correct me if I am wrong but there is a chance that the Band-aid people also have a stake in the whole thing. And let’s not forget the denizens of foot art, who can transform ordinary toenails into blooming gardens of spring flowers or complicated star constellations.

Which takes me to the next point. Why buy shoes that are guaranteed to hurt? If they hurt, why wear them? Most women will not wear an expensive diamond ring if it pinched their skin. But shoes? Oh, that’s another story. She’ll flinch and grimace and march on.

I agree, all women’s footwear is not uncomfortable – only the really expensive kind. Recently I sheepishly asked a podiatrist if my theory of eighty percent of female footwear being unhealthy, is wrong.

“You are so wrong,” he said, and just before I could sulk away he added, “I’d make that ninety percent.”

I rest my case.

Now if this article was a TV show, many screens would be shattered by a hail of flying female footwear. Most of it expensive, dangerous and useless.

Of course, if it had been a woman who hurled her shoes at John Howard on ABC’s Lateline recently, it would have been a sell-out design. Not to mention how much the pair would have cost in an online auction.

Sole-mates for every avatar…
RAJNI ANAND LUTHRA takes up the cudgels on behalf of the sisterhood in her reply to Sunil Gautam.

Well, we do need different kinds of shoes, you know! For starters, we need shoes that go with Indian outfits and shoes that go with western outfits.

The former category can be further divided and subdivided: there are high heels for saris (ornate ones for dinner parties, and not-so-ornate ones for day-time functions) moderate heels for lehnga-type outfits, and smart low-heeled footwear for those churidar-type that are so ‘in’ these days. (Of course we need all of these in colours to match the outfits). Don’t forget those gorgeous jooti-type ethnic footwear to go with those ethnic Rajasthani type outfits – an absolute must-have in any decent wardrobe. And I bet there isn’t a single Indian woman out there who doesn’t own a pair of Kholapuris, even if just to remind her of those glorious college days when she wasn’t bogged down with kids and home and work and extended family.

In the latter category, there is winter wear and summer wear. Winter wear has boots (leather is most common, but some suede ones you could kill for), smart black shoes for work/picking the kids up from school, high heels for formal occasions, moccasins for walking the dog/bicycling the kids round the block, walking shoes, gym shoes and fuzzy sheepskin ones to wear when pottering around the home. Summer wear includes strappy sandals, wedge-heel sandals (a must-have in the upcoming summer season, according to the latest David Jones and Myer brochures) and thongs.

Of course, much of the shopping happens in India – because we are so considerate about our spending, things in India are so much cheaper, and the ads so much more enticing (remember Lakhani Chappals, Liberty Shoes … pure hallmarks in advertising, right Sunil?)

But there are those of us who have learned the western equivalents. Most in the air-kissing kitty party circuit already admit to possessing at least three Terry Biviano numbers, and all of them admit to aspiring to purchasing at least as many Manolo Blahniks, those divine works of art that Carrie of Sex in the City crammed her petite feet into. So what if the cost of each will keep an entire Indian village in food for a whole year? Ok, two years. No less than two of my own girlfriends, pushing a comfortably high-society forty, are tossing up between a Manolo Blahnik and a liposuction for their birthday present. (One of them, lucky thing, looks set to get both).

Now that you know that footwear is so essential, men folk, you will stop trying to chastise us with inane remarks like “If Imelda Marcos wanted spare shoes, she would ask you”. And never forget, traditions from India have held for centuries that jootis have many different kinds of uses …