The Gift of Giving
It may seem like a simple thing, but the concept of gift-giving has moved from the sensible or sublime to the extravagant and downright mercenary, notes MALLI IYER.
An invitation to attend a premier wedding reception at Hyatt Regency ought to gladden the hearts of the invited, as this is the one occasion at which you could show off the latest blue and orange Kanjeevaram silk addition to the wardrobe, not to mention the glittering Paspaley pearl necklace that is much-anticipated by your mildly envious friends. There are other bonuses – for example, here is the chance to arrive at the reception in your latest BMW and put one up over the coquettish Mrs. Nagrath who struts in proud as a peacock when her chauffeur opens the door of her convertible Ford Mustang. This would be the right time to dab an extra dose of Chanel No 5 behind your ears. Surely, the lady boss of your husband will be impressed.
But as you start to get to the nitty-gritty, the realization that your hosts have referred you to the Bridal Registry at David Jones in the city for a choice of gifts certainly dampens the spirit. This is the beginning of what will become an exercise in futility – all the gifts within your budget have already been taken and the only ones available are way over the top. If you have to choose between a set of Bohemian crystal champagne flutes or a Louis Vuitton luggage set, you can be sure that your kanjoos husband will experience electrifying shivers down his spine. He would have loved to get rid of the Kenwood Breadmaker that has been lying idle since you received it as your housewarming present 5 years ago, when you moved into your architect-designed Masterton home.
If this is a familiar scenario, don’t curse your luck as there are many in the social circuit of invitees who, like you, have clutched their hair in despair on receiving the invitation. In point of fact, the dilemma of gift-giving is faced by one and all, regardless of which social strata you belong. Indian culture and tradition has this well-entrenched practice of gift giving on each occasion – even for a wedding engagement, a golden wedding anniversary, Valentines’ day, a 60th birthday, a retirement gift or the move to a new home. And the confusion that reigns is just the same, no matter what the occasion.
And with the best of intentions, you wonder how to convey the genuineness and loving thoughts that are send to the recipient with the gift of your choice. You take extra care with the gift wrapping and search for choice adjectives to praise the recipient, making it look as personal as possible.
Of course, there is every chance that each of the gifts received will be acknowledged through a stereotyped printed and impersonal ‘thank you’ card or note by the hosts.
Some hosts have chosen newer ways to cause problems for their invitees – they add a footnote to the invitation card such as: ‘No boxed gifts please’ or ‘Gift – charity donations to Care Australia only’. Once in a blue moon an invitation will humbly suggest, ‘No gifts please’; but they probably already know that gifts will definitely be received and I have yet to see any returned or turned away by these hosts.
In many ways this compounds the problem – if boxed gifts are not on, should one opt for a gift cheque, a gift card (if so, which one) or should one stuff a few $20 bills in a colourful envelope? You can take pot luck with a gift card, a gift note, your business card or letter paper as there is no laid down etiquette for some of these innovation-seeking specific gifts.
You may have just sent donations to the Children’s Cancer Hospital, UNICEF or World Vision, so it is highly inconvenient to go searching for another charity. Of course, you are sure to be added to the mailing list of another dozen charities once you have put in a donation. This is the way the information age works.
Why can’t the footnotes in an invitation say: “Flowers, chocolates and sweets only”. It would make life so much simpler and easier for the gift-giver, and could be somewhat similar to festivals like Deepavali. Indian traditions have come a long way in gift giving – what used to be a platter of fruits, flowers and betel nuts/leaves (which are hard to obtain except when Fiji supplies arrive) have now graduated to silver or golden lamps, intricate replicas of Lakshmi, Ganesha and other Gods for a housewarming pooja, or a ‘havan’ to purify the home. Giving best-selling books, CDs, DVDs as gifts is always tricky, unless the gift recipient is a ‘bosom buddy’. The evolution of electronic music happens day in and out, and you always run the risk of duplicating the possessions of the recipient.
This seems like a unique dilemma for the Indian diaspora. I do not know many other communities where the guest list rarely exceeds 50 or more, and they seem not to mind receiving duplicate gifts of ‘sandwich makers’, ‘barbeque grills’ and ‘toasters’. At least it is abundantly clear to the recipient that it is not the thought that counts when giving gifts, but the completion of a formality. The same goes for carrying a bottle of wine to small evening functions and get-togethers among friends. It leaves very little room for ‘bitching’ about pedestrian gifts from some of the invitees well-known to some Indian families. But in reality, nobody gives a toss anymore about the old cliché ‘It’s the thought that counts!’
