Ask Auntyji
Racism without rancour
Dear Auntyji,
I am an Australian and I work in IT with a lot of people from the Indian subcontinent. I used to think that Aussies were racist, until I met these Indians. Thiru from Bangalore does not like Ankit, a Punjabi from Jalandhar, while Hemant from Mumbai does not like Rohit from Hyderabad because he belongs to a different caste. Meanwhile, no one likes Nadeem because he is from Pakistan, but Neel is liked by all because he is from Fiji. While they are all professional and get the job done, sometimes I hear them talking about each other and I can’t understand all the rivalries. Once or twice they have asked me to adjucate on some matter and I always feel that I will make at least one person in the group unhappy. So what is your solution, auntyji?
Auntyji says:
My, what an interesting conundrum you pose for me. I am indeed perched on the horns of a dilemma. Well, my first piece of advise to you is this. Much in the same way that Aussies dump all over the Kiwis or the Irish or whoever else takes their fancy, let’s accept that folks from the Indian subcontinent are the same. If they are intelligent people, which they seem to be because they are professional, despite their differences – then these petty differences are just that. They might talk about these things, but it is not a problem. Of course, if you were in the Hindu quarter of Sikandar Alley in downtown Delhi and a riot was about to commence while you were visiting Nadeem’s Indian relatives, you might have had a real issue to deal with, but here in Sydney, this is nothing. So, celebrate the differences with the one thing that brings all Indians and Pakistanis together – and this is either Bollywood or cricket. Each time a petty squabble breaks out, use cricket terms to ask the team how Sachinbhai would deal with it. Each time they make reference to their differences, just quote Amitabh from just about any one of his movies – by saying – zindagi to bewafa hai. Of course, this will have no relevance to any argument taking place, but it will help diffuse the tension and deflect the topic. Tell your colleagues to do what Amitabh would have done in Sholay, Deewar or Namak Haraam. They will be so impressed by your knowledge of these references to pop culture that they will immediately stop arguing and start discussing the merits of the respective films. If they don’t, just do a search for a clip of any of the Big B’s shows on YouTube and organise a 2-minute bonding session. All will be well after that. Yes, I am quite aware of how ludicrous my suggestions may seem, but you will be surprised at what brings Indians together. This is the glue that bonds them tight. Bollywood and cricket! And speaking of cricket, Nadeem was probably named after the great evergreen Pakistani actor. And wasn’t Wasim Akram in Delhi just the other day? Now Imran Khan – wasn’t he just a dish? Are you getting my drift? Let me know how you go. If things don’t improve and they all continue to get on your nerves, then you are well within your rights to stand up one day and declare that these people should go back to where they came from. This will definitely shut them up and give them all a common enemy – you!
Give the kid a break!
Dear Auntyji,
So what do you think, will Ash Rai Bachan have a girl or a boy? And are you willing you put money on the outcome?
Auntyji,
Oh, you shaitaan! Who places bets on the gender of a child who is no bigger than my thumbnail at the moment? Have you no sharam at all? And why all this fascination with the Bachchan baby? Let the poor mite be born, after all, this pitiful kid will have to live under the massive shadow of his or her dada and world’s most beautiful mother. Whether it’s a boy or a girl, it is bound to have a complex. So spare a thought for the child – it will not have an easy ride in life. And let’s all take a moment to wish Ash a safe pregnancy.
