Auntyji: moustaches and deep thoughts

Our resident agony aunt answers your dilemmas!


It’s Movember, in March

Dear Auntyji

My wonderful, happy husband decided recently after he watched IAF pilot Abhinandan on TV, that he too wanted to grow a moustache. Now Auntyji, I have no problems with this type of idol worship, but the problem is ki despite his Rajput background, Raj can’t grow a proper luxurious moustache. It’s like this is payback from an old curse that my husband will never grow a moustache and will have to do with a thin, scraggly bahaana of a mooch. Ra’s moustache took three weeks to sprout 6 or 7 strands, despite daily oiling with a combination of caster, macadamia and almond oils. How do I tell him that he should give up this quest – that the one thing nature has denied him, a Rajput, is facial hair. How do I tell him the kadwa such?

Auntyji says

Oh, I am proper flummoxed by this situation. What to tell? I suppose I could be kind and tell you that you are only thinking of what’s best for your husband and you want to spare him the humiliation of his friends making a tamasha of his facial forest, or rather, facial weeds, going by how you describe it. But why would I be kind to you when you, a harsh, critical churail is showing no such courtesy to her pati parmeshwar. So listen up for some kadwa such. Don’t be such a dayan. Your husband has decided that like his warrior ancestors before him, he took will grow his mooche. Why rain on his mela? I think you should completely get behind this endeavour, and help him achieve his goals. Make his lakshya your lakshya and you will live happily ever after. So what if there are only reeds whether there should be thicket. So what if all you see is saplings when there should be a jungle there? Get behind this cause, nah – I suggest daily grooming with argan oil and eucalyptus oil. Feed your Rajput lionheart lots of nuts and try to limit stress. There will be other benefits too from all this, you sly nagin – if you catch my drift.


Bol baby bol

Dear Auntyji

I have recently gotten married to a girl from Chennai. She is a really nice person, smart, kind and hardworking. I think she loves me very much. She is always nice to me, and I do my best to be nice to her. She is very educated and friendly and has many interests, yet I find that she says very little – sometimes I wish she would say more. If I start a topic, she will have much to say on it – but most of the time, she remains quiet. I know she thinks deeply on particular topics, but sometimes I catch her looking into space and I wonder what she is thinking about. When I ask her – what are you thinking my janoo Sneha – she smiles and says, kuch bhi nahin. Now this has me wondering, how can she be thinking nothing? Sneha kya sochti rahti hai Auntyji – do you think she thinks I am a nikamma or something?

Auntyji says

Ek pal ke liye let’s not worry about what Sneha is thinking – let me tell you hum kya soch rahe hai. Bilkul pagaal ho – tumhari baat se lagta hai. You have a wonderful, sweet, intelligent wife – and instead of being happy about this, you want to know what’s going on inside her mind? What for you want to take on this panga? Clearly she is intelligent and can hold a conversation. Jab she wants to talk, to baat karengi, nah? What is your interest with what’s going on in Sneha’s mind? She is entitled to her privacy, you know. Why do you want to control of what she thinks and does? People’s thoughts are revealed by their words and actions so if Sneha is being a wonderful wife, then be grateful for that. And especially don’t request that she speaks more. What kind of a jaahil wants a partner who speaks more? Isn’t the TV enough for you? There is so much chatter in the world, and you have your own thoughtful, intelligent person and you want to reduce her to a guppee? Dusht…

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