Ask Auntyji: My brother-in-law is dating a carbon copy of me!

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You ask, Auntyji answers – no dilemma too big or small!

Ice ice baby

Dear Auntyji,

I have a situation with my loving husband and it’s driving me pagal, but I know you can solve my dilemmas.

So, here is the issue. My husband loves to drink scotch on the rocks. He drinks about three glasses each night and this does not really bother me.

But what bothers me is that he uses the ice cubes and doesn’t refill the ice containers. I never use ice in my drinks, so I don’t have any need for ice, but my husband does.

So I get cranky when he leaves the ice trays on the bench top and walks away and expects me to fill them and put them in the freezer. This is soooo irritating I feel like taking the ice cubes and throwing them in his face and putting vinegar in the ice tray to teach him a lesson.

Auntyji, I am fed up. I am not his slave. I hate housework and this extra duty really irritates me. What to do, Auntyji, what to do? Surely you have some advice for a long suffering wife like me?

Auntyi says

Oh, I can totally imagine how frustrating this must be for you. Having an alcoholic husband is bad enough, but a lazy, inconsiderate, alcoholic husband is even worse.

So the solution is quite simple, my dear bulbul, my little chameli. Put the empty ice cube containers back in the freezer or in the cabinet. That will solve both the problem of you being his enabler, and him being a lazy alco.

If he says, aye, mera ice kahan gaya, you can say, Jaha tumhara akal aur samaj gaya, wahee gaya ice. Meaning, it’s all evaporated, like the brain cells in your head.

I have no time for lazy husbands, and neither should you. Of course, if you wanted to be a placid and subservient wife, or one who loves her husband desperately, then by all means keep refilling the ice cube trays.

But three glasses of scotch each night? Seriously, what sorrows does he need to drown? Surely you’re not being a churail to him are you? No, that’s unlikely, seeing that you always fill his little trays for him.

Anyway, stop refilling them. He will do it himself. Simple. Problem solved.

 

Doppleganger

Dear Auntyji

The spookiest thing has just happened in our family and I really don’t know what to think.

My brother is married to this wonderful girl whom I get along with and whom we have known for years. Now Shaina has a brother who was married previously but has gotten divorced.

But three months ago, he brought over his new girlfriend and I nearly dropped dead when I opened the door and saw her standing at the door. She is a carbon copy of me, a total replica – so much so that when I first saw her, I was struck dumb.

My mouh was hanging open like I had just been bitten by a pagal kutha. But since then, he has come around quite often, and all the time, people even mistake her for me to the point that my six-month-old baby was too confused to know who her mother was. It was frightening, watching my poor startled baby look right, left, right again trying to work out what alternate universe she had woken up in.

I too feel that I am in some time warp where there are two of me, and nothing good comes of it. Now my husband has had a big laugh about this, but I am most perplexed and am not happy about the situation at all.

What does this say about Shaina’s brother? What strange obsession does he have with me? Can I say something to him?

The strange thing is that this girl – Tanya – is really nice and I get along with her, but I swear Auntyji, each time she comes around, I get all spooked out. It’s like she is my judwa bahen.

 

Auntyji says

Well, we all saw Seeta aur Geeta. Have you considered the possibility that this girl could very well be your twin and that when you were born, your evil uncle Ramu kaka decided to steal one baby because he had the crankies with your parents?

Could it be that Dai decided to avenge her daughter’s izzat because one of your uncles humiliated her and so she stole your sister and raised her so that she could grow up and seek revenge? Wait, I am letting my imagination run wild for no good reason.

Here is what you must do. First, determine if this girl is related to you. Do a genetic test. Ancestry.com will help. Surely you want to know the answer to this, right?

Once it is established that she is not your relation, then you could go wild and exhaust yourself by thinking about all the reasons your behuda brother-in-law chose this girl over all others in this world.

Clearly this guy has issues. Big issues. Or, if you look at it another way, he sees you as perfection. Have you wondered what Tanya thinks when she looks at you? That relationship won’t last. It’s way too weird.

So there is not much you can do other than let nature run its course and wait till Tanya gets upset that your brother-in-law fancies you.

Either way, this could turn into an interesting story. A real life Ram aur Shaam. Let me know how it goes, I’m eager to see how this one plays out.

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