You ask, Auntyji answers!
To reveal, or not to reveal?
Dear Auntyji
Recently, my boss confided to me that my colleague who sits next to me is about to get fired. Granted, my colleague is a besamajh insaan who makes mistakes and does just not get it sometimes. He takes no time to learn anything and makes rookie mistakes for a senior person. My problem is that since I have found out he is about to be fired, I find it difficult to talk to him and meet his gaze, because I feel bad. I think firing him is a good idea because we can’t have sub-par team members, but still, I find it hard to interact with him the way I used to. Of course, I won’t say a word to him because I will keep my boss’s confidence, but it’s hard for me to appear normal. He is getting fired shortly and I can’t wait till it’s all over. But can you tell me, Auntyji, how I can mask my feelings… it’s very difficult to do!
Auntyji says…
Listen up, if you want to move to management, you need to learn how to hold on to sensitive and confidential information without telling the story on your chehera. You need to have a face like a tokra – silent, mysterious and inscrutable. How else do you think all the other bhains ki aulad got to where they are in the corporate hierarchy?
So, I suggest you learn to fake a smile, fake an interest in trivialities and if you can, remove all knowledge from your mind of the impending demise of the guy. You really have no other option, otherwise, if you reveal the truth, it won’t be your colleague but it will be you who gets the laath out the door. Good luck!
Heartfelt sympathies
Dear Auntyji
We’re surprised to learn that one of our neighbours got separated recently, and I can truly understand because the husband was a horrible, obnoxious person. I still can’t understand what she saw in him. But she is still broken-hearted and each time I speak to her, I can see how gut-wrenching the experience has been for her. So Auntyji, at about what point after the separation can I voice my opinion and tell her she is better off for not having him in her life because he was an oaf?! A haraami. A pukkah budtehezeeb, as you would call him. Is six months too early? How about one year? Let me know your thoughts, because I am quite eager to tell her what a ^&$%& he was.
Auntyji says…
Are you a ^&$%& yourself that you must namak chidko on kisi aur ka dard? Have you no pity, no empathy for someone whose life has been turned upside down? Even if he was a haraami, he was her little special haraami, and she is saddened by her loss. Besides, you sound like a haraami yourself – shall I tell your long suffering spouse about what I think of you? You can empathise with your neighbour by giving her hope for the future, not by dancing all over her toota hua dil like a saperan, you dayan ki aulad. If I haven’t made myself clear, let me say it again. Keep your gandi samajh and fuzool ki baatein to yourself. Your opinion is irrelevant and useless. You really need to stop polluting your mind and others with your evil thoughts. You really should consider Saturday afternoons reading the Ramayana. Let me know if I should send Sangeeta bahen over to teach you some tehzeeb.