Ask auntyji: marriage woes and newlywed adulation

Our resident agony aunt answers your queries

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Bole chudiyaan, bole kangana

Dear Auntyji 

I need your advice desperately. Ours was an arranged marriage. Neel’s family is old school, almost princely and very well off. I fell in love with Neel almost immediately after the shaadi, and I like to think we had three happy years together. Our honeymoon was in Switzerland, Maldives and Oslo, and I received many gifts from the family. Neel is handsome and charming. I knew how his family lived and was looking forward to a good life.

Now my family was not as well off, but we were very comfortable. In any case, teen saal baad, Neel decides that he doesn’t want to be married anymore, saying there are a lot of differences. I don’t know what differences he means, but he says that all we seemed to do was go on holidays, and he is more social minded about helping poor people. I was desperately unhappy when the shaadi ended: I wanted my life back. But what broke my heart was that Neel asked for some jewellery back, saying that it belonged to his family. Auntyji, those family jewels were given to me as a wedding gift, why should I give them back? They rightfully belong to me. Neel calls me at least once a month to ask if he can take them back, but I tell him he should have stayed married. It’s been a year since we separated. What do you think, Auntyji?

Auntyji.Indian Link

Auntyji says

Thodi si bhi maryada nahin hai aap mein? The family heirlooms are probably generations old, and if I know the way of these nawabs and thakurs, they pass jewels down to bahus. You turned out to be a lousy bahu – instead of serving the state and helping the less fortunate, you wanted to live a glamorous life like a desi Kardashian. And I would think that Neel’s family – having old money – would be more inclined towards social pursuits that included philanthropy, a foreign concept to you. Hence the barbadi of the shaadi. Baat rahi gahenon ki, they do not belong to you. They belong to Neel’s family – and you’re not part of it anymore. I recommend that you give back what does not belong to you. And maybe start doing some social work? Maybe the marriage can be salvaged. That might be a start to finally acknowledging that you have been a selfish little thing.

Kya khubsoorati hi sab kuch hai?

Dear Auntyji

I am happily married, but I am a little concerned about my wife’s behaviour. I love my bride of one year, lekin uski ek baat gives me much trouble. She likes to say that I am very handsome, and that I look like Hrithik Roshan. Even other people have told me this. Auntyji, I don’t care about looks. I have many other good attributes – I am a good person, I read, I help my friends and I always try hard not to say unkind things about others. But Jiya never talks about that – she only tells me, at least once in the morning and once at night, that I am super handsome. Am I an object? I am a man with many qualities. Why is she only focusing on my khubsoorati?

Auntyji.Indian Link

Auntyji says

Arre mera chikna shonu monu, kyon apna man kharaab kar rahe ho with wifey’s compliments? Shukar karo ki you are such a hunk, such a hero, ki your wife is besotted. Ok, so ye such hai ki your wife is a superficial person, who only sees the skin deep beauty of the god that you are, but you have only been married for a year. Enjoy this while you can, because who knows how long this will last? What if she gets used to you and starts picking on other things? Like the fact that you might be lazy, or you don’t acknowledge and appreciate that she is complimentary of your physical traits? Your other option is to ask her which of your qualities she likes the most. If she only lists your mardangi, ok, then there might be a problem. We will know she has a major crush on Hrithik Roshan – and who can blame her. He is, after all, a god. You can also nudge her towards a more nuanced appreciation of your traits by being more explicit and grateful when she highlights other features. Perhaps it’s your reaction she seeks. Maybe you puff up and walk around like a hero looking for a villain each time she says you look beautiful. Maybe it’s time to look at your own behaviour to see why your begum chooses to compliment your badshah jaisi surat.