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Any hustle, big or small, dear Auntyji is here to answer them all…

Dear Auntyji
My question is different to what you usually get from your readers. It is on behalf of my cousin who lives in Toronto and has a son who is deaf and dumb. He is not blind and is 32 years old. He is very independent and goes about his work without any help from his parents. He is educated and employed as a teacher for the deaf and dumb. He finds his own way to his workplace and back. He is a handsome boy, taking into consideration his disabilities.

His parents are on the look out for a good looking match for him. They would be happy if, like him, she is similarly disabled, and not blind. Perhaps the young people can interact on Skype? We are Sri-Lankans and do not speak Hindi, but the young lad has been seeing a lot of Hindi movies and is somewhat adamant that if he is to get married, the girl should be an Indian girl!

I do know that you do not deal with such matters, but I am taking a long shot, hoping that you may know someone or an institution where a match could be found.

Auntyji says
Thank you for writing to me with your particular question. I’d like to think that as Auntyji, I try to help with all types of issues – as long as it’s not a legal question in which case I would have to refer you to a local lawyer!

With the internet, we truly are now living in a global village. This means that what would take months and years previously, can be done very quickly.

So, finding a suitable girl for your cousin is not going to be that tricky – seeing that there are internet sites that are dedicated to helping people find suitable partners. If you got to jeevansaathi.com or imilap.com, you will be able to do searches based on particular selection criteria. There are profiles that one could go through and if you register on the site, then of course, you can communicate with the candidates.

I’m surprised that your cousin has not considered this course of action, considering that shaadi.com is one of the world’s largest matrimonial sites and so many Indians seem to have found their partners this way.

Who knows, some of our very own Indian Link readers may know of a suitable girl for your nephew. If so, they are invited to write in to Auntyji and we will put the two parties in touch.

Meanwhile, can you please go to jeevansaathi.com and to imilap.com and let me know if there is anyone of interest? I would be delighted to hear if there was progress on this matter. Again, thank you for writing in to me, and I look forward to hearing from you.

***

Dear Auntyji
After five years of marriage, there is something about my husband that is beginning to grate on me. I have discovered that my normally sweet and kind-natured husband is a spoilsport, and is a glass-half-full kind of man. So if I tell him about the plans for the garden for instance, all of his responses will be around the problems I will encounter, and why I will not achieve what I set out to do. Whether it’s a job search, making holiday plans, planning a dinner party, redecorating, weight loss, further studies, anything – my husband picks flaws with my proposed approach. Now, I am the opposite; I am a very positive yet practical person.

When I have an idea, I consider it fully, then go ahead and implement it. And despite my husband’s naysaying, I always end up proving him wrong. So Auntyji, my husband’s continual raining on my parade is beginning to give me the crankies big time. Do you have a suggestion for me, please? I love my husband, but his attitude is driving me mad.

Auntyji says
Oh, my dear gulabo, how difficult it must be to live with a man like that. Yes, it can be quite demotivating being around someone who only sees problems, yet offers no solution to anything you propose.

The idea is simple then. Stop discussing any of your ideas with him and just go ahead and implement. You’re usually right with your plans anyway, so why waste your time talking to a naysayer who will bring you down? Of course, if you were the vicious type, you could gloat to everyone about your victory, and how your husband kept on saying you would not succeed.

Your husband will very quickly learn not to be negative if there is public shaming and ridicule involved. But, the offside to this is that you may come across as a harridan – so think carefully before you go down this road. Otherwise, stop wasting your breath, and do what you have to do. As someone very clever said, if you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem. This applies 100% to your dear pessimistic husband.

 

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The original Australian sub-continental agony aunt. Email: info@indianlink.com.au